In some cities of the world, cars are replacing bicycles. However, in some other cities, bicycles are replacing cars. What are the reasons for these two developments? In your opinion, which one better?

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Introduction
In some
cities
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in the world, car use is rising, replacing eco-friendly alternatives
such
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as
bicycles
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,
whereas
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in other busy
cities
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,
bicycles
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are replacing
cars
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due to
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traffic
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. In my view, the shift from
cars
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to
bicycles
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is better for both the environment and
people
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's well-being.
Body paragraph 1
One reason why
cars
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are replacing
bicycles
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is that some
people
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travel long distances. Cycling
such
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distances would take hours, so it is not a practical option. It could
also
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be exhausting for
people
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who are not fit.
This
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is because
cities
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are getting bigger, and many
people
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now live far from their workplace or university.
For example
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, a student who spends nearly an hour driving to university cannot realistically cycle there
instead
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.
Furthermore
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, in countries with a hot climate, cycling is even more exhausting than in countries with a mild climate, so many
people
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prefer air-conditioned
cars
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.
As a result
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,
bicycles
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are increasingly seen as impractical for daily commuting.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, in various busy
cities
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,
people
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tend to cycle more than drive
due to
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congestion or concern for the environment.
This
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benefits
people
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's well-being by reducing pollution and stress, because driving in heavy
traffic
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can be very stressful.
For example
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, an office worker who used to spend an hour in
traffic
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may reach work in twenty minutes by bicycle.
As a result
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, they arrive feeling more energetic and save money on fuel and parking.
Therefore
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,
this
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trend is more beneficial, as it improves both public health and air quality.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
cars
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are replacing
bicycles
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in some
cities
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because of long distances and hot weather,
while
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bicycles
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are replacing
cars
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in others because of
traffic
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and environmental concerns. In my opinion, the move towards cycling is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
better development, as it creates healthier
people
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and cleaner
cities
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.

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task response
You answer all parts of the task: why both changes happen, and which change is better. To make the answer even stronger, add one more reason why cars rise, such as safety or poor bike paths.
task response
Your view is clear from the first paragraph and stays the same to the end. You could make the view more balanced by saying that cars are still needed for very long trips, bad weather, or some jobs.
task response
Your examples are clear and easy to understand. Try to make one example more real by naming a type of city or giving a short fact, if you can do so truthfully.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: first cars, then bikes, then your final view. Keep this strong plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words, such as “However”, “For example”, and “As a result”, help the reader. Do not use “As a result” too often; you can also use “Therefore”, “This means that”, or “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas could be linked more closely. In the second main paragraph, explain more clearly how less car use leads to less stress, better health, and cleaner air.
task response
You give clear reasons for more car use: long trips, large cities, and hot weather.
task response
You explain well why bike use can rise: traffic, cost, health, and the environment.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear main idea and helpful support.
coherence and cohesion
The ending gives a short summary and repeats your view clearly.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • affluence
  • commuting distances
  • infrastructure
  • rapid growth
  • status symbol
  • environmental concerns
  • bike-sharing programs
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • sustainable
  • liveable environments
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