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Writing Samples
Band 3

In many countries, there is a growing concern about the decline in participation in sports and other physical activities, particularly among young people. What are the reasons for this trend, and what measures could be taken to encourage more people to engage in sports and leisure activities? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays, there is a significant increase
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the number of young people who refuse to participate in
sports
Use synonyms
 and other physical activities because they spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on their
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the best way to encourage them to engage in
sports
Use synonyms
 and leisure activities is to give them challenges and rewards.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main reasons is that most
of
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apply
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teenagers spend a lot of their
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching TV.
In addition
Linking Words
, 3D
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
 video games are more interesting than physical
sport game
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sports games
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they will prefer to play video games
leading
Punctuation problem
, leading
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 to the enjoyment that they experience. Meanwhile, social media
such
Linking Words
 as TikTok and Instagram
consumes
Correct subject-verb agreement
consume
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 their
time
Use synonyms
 by scrolling and watching videos of their interests.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many solutions to encourage more people to participate in
sports
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. One of them is
let
Verb problem
to let
show examples
 schools
organize
Change the spelling
organise
show examples
 challenges and matches of football or any other sport for their students.
As a result
Linking Words
, students will get bonus marks if they participate.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they will feel excited to win against their friends.
Also
Linking Words
, it can be more general, for parents and
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 children. and offer them prizes for their participation.
Conclusion
In conclusion, young people often want to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 on things that make them feel more enjoyable.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we can make the engagement in
sports
Use synonyms
 more fun and give them rewards for that.

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Task response
You answer both parts of the question: why young people do less sport and how to help them do more. To make the answer stronger, add more than one clear reason, such as less free space, school work, cost, or fear of not doing well.
Task response
Explain each main idea more fully. For example, say how phone use can make young people less active: they sit for long hours, sleep late, and have less time or energy for sport.
Task response
Your ideas about school games and rewards are useful. Add a real or clear example, such as a school football day, free clubs after class, or a family walk at the weekend.
Task response
Be careful not to say that rewards are the best way without enough support. You could also say that sport should be cheap, fun, safe, and easy to join.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, two main body parts, and an ending. In the first body part, keep the focus on reasons only. In the second body part, keep the focus on ways to help.
Coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words such as "For example", "This means that", "As a result", and "Another reason". Do not use "Therefore" when the next idea is not a direct result.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph start with one clear main idea. Then give an explanation and an example. This will make your writing easier to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid very short or broken parts, such as "and offer them prizes for their participation." Join them to the sentence before, and check full stops and capital letters.
Task response
You give clear reasons linked to screen time, TV, video games, and social media.
Task response
You suggest useful ways to help, including school matches, challenges, and prizes.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: reasons first, then ways to solve the problem, followed by a short ending.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as "In addition", "On the other hand", "As a result", and "Furthermore".
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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