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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that old
people
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constitue
Correct your spelling
constitute
 a part of
the
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apply
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society
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.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that an ageing population
makes
Verb problem
poses
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 issues for governments. There are
people
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 who argue that. In
this
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 essay, I will analyse
this
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 topic and express my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, I totally agree that there are several benefits
of
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for
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 elderly
people
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. These advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Old
people
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 shape a huge part of
the
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society
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. They contribute
in
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to
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 the development of
the
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society
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, as they have wisdom and
experiences
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experience
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 which can help other
people
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, especially young
people
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. In most of the advanced countries, old
people
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 work in many job fields.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 trust them more than young
people
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.
For instance
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, in
United
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the United
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 States, old
people
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 work as doctors
, consultants
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and consultants,
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 and they have many clients. Even, they work in governments where they make vital decisions.
However
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, some
people
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 believe that elderly
people
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 may need
a
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special care, which cannot be
provide it
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provided
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 easily. But some
of
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elderly
people
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 decide to live in
caring houses
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care homes
. Basically, everything in these houses
are
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is
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 going to be provided to old
people
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. In big countries, these houses are important, as they give big value to elderly
people
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, we cannot ignore the value of
people
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 in
this
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 stage, and we have to consider that everyone in life will get older. So, we need to understand that
,
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apply
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 being old is a very normal stage in life. Our responsibilities are to let them engage with
the
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apply
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society
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,
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 and let them feel they are very helpful.

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task response
Give a clear answer to the main question in the first part. Say if the good points are greater than the bad points, and keep this view through the essay.
task response
Develop both sides more fully. Explain the main problems for the government, such as more money for health care and less money from workers. Then explain why the good points are still greater, or why they are not.
task response
Your ideas about wisdom, work, and help for young people are useful, but add clearer detail. For example, show how older workers can teach new staff or care for children in the family.
task response
Be careful with broad claims such as old people working in many fields in most rich countries. Give one clear, believable example and explain how it supports your point.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, problems, benefits, and conclusion. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one main idea. The first body paragraph can focus on problems, while the second can focus on benefits. At present, the first body paragraph moves between benefits and care needs.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words that show the right meaning. For example, use "However" before a real opposite point, and use "For this reason" when you give a result.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid short or unfinished sentences, such as "There are people who argue that." Say clearly what these people think.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion repeats the idea that old people matter, but it should also directly restate your view about whether the good points are greater than the bad points.
task response
You give a clear positive view of older people and mention useful points, such as their life experience, work, and help for young people.
task response
You include an example about doctors and advisers in the United States, which helps make the ideas less general.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, a main body, and a conclusion, so the reader can see the overall shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as "To begin with", "Furthermore", "For instance", and "However", to connect parts of your writing.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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