IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The two given pie charts
demonstrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrate
show examples
 the proportion of household budget in the year 2000 in Japan and Malaysia.
Overall
Linking Words
, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries spent most of their money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other goods and services
as
Change preposition
, with
show examples
 the smallest proportion
was utilized
Wrong verb form
being utilised
show examples
 in
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 care sector.
While
Linking Words
 the largest
figure
Check wording
amount
show examples
 of fund
also
Linking Words
 consumed in housing. In detail, families spent 29 per cent
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 resources in purchasing other goods and services in
Japan
Punctuation problem
Japan,
show examples
 as the food consumption percentage was just below
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one quarter.
However
Linking Words
, insignificant cash was kept for house construction
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is made up of 6 per cent. Expenditure
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 transport was around to 20% in the year 2000
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the third number respective to all. As for Malaysia, the largest share of funds was invested in the construction of homes
due to
Linking Words
increase
Add an article
an increase
show examples
 in population. Individuals eat fruits and vegetables
as the
Change preposition
at a
show examples
 ratio of that was 27%.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people
do less care of
Correct word order
care less about
show examples
 their health because
marginal
Add an article
a marginal
show examples
 budget was allocated to health care.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average household expenditure
  • proportion of spending
  • household budget
  • account for
  • make up
  • the largest share
  • the smallest proportion
  • a significant difference
  • a slightly higher figure
  • a considerably larger percentage
  • spending on housing
  • expenditure on food
  • transport costs
  • health-care expenses
  • other goods and services
  • respectively
  • in contrast
  • whereas
  • allocated to
  • remained relatively low
What to do next:
Look at other essays: