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Band 3.5

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expentency is increasing. Do u think the advantages outweight the disadvantages?

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Introduction
the
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The
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 topic of the consequences of improved medical
care
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 is that
people
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 are living longer and life
expentency
Correct your spelling
expectancy
 is increasing,which has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some
people
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 believe that improved medical
care
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 has several
benefits
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 that will affect
people
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`s lives,
while
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 others believe that
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 drawbacks exceed
their
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its
show examples
benefits
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.
This
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 essay will explore the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 situation.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,the major benefit of the consequences of improved medical
care
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 is that
people
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 are living longer and life
expentency
Correct your spelling
expectancy
 is increasing .
For instance
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,if there are advanced
medication
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medications
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,many
people
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 will live longer than if there
are
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were
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 no
medication
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medications
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.
Furthermore
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,countries that manufacture advanced medicines can improve their economies.
For example
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,if a country launchs new
masicion
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mission
,many countries will pay for its
poplution
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population
 because they want to maintain the
citizens
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citizens'
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health`s
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health
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,despite having several
benefits
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 of improved medical
care
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 ,there are many drawbacks as well.First,it might impact
on the
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apply
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humanity and
people
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`s lives.
For instance
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,if the number of
people
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 who die decreases ,
they
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there
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 will be a huge number of
people
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 on the
erth
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earth
,which might be
popultion
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population
 density ,
therefore
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people
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 can not
do
Verb problem
lead
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 their daily
live
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lives
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.Another drawback is that an ageing
popultion
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population
 can put pressure on healthcare services.
As a result
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,the government may need to spend more money on medical
care
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.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 the consequences of improved medical
care
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 offer significant
benefits
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of
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to
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people
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`s lives,it is important to
knowledge
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know
 the drawbacks
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as increasing the
popultion
Correct your spelling
population
 and increasing the pressure on
heaalthcare serivces
Correct your spelling
healthcare services
.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part: say if the good points are greater than the bad points. Your essay shows both sides, but your own view is not clear enough.
task response
Explain why longer life is good for people, families, and the country. For example, older people may spend more time with family, help with child care, or share work skills.
task response
Your first example is too general. Do not only say that new medicine helps people live longer. Give one real or clear case, such as care for heart disease or better care for older people.
task response
Develop the bad points more. Say why a larger older group needs more hospital care and how this can make it hard for the state to pay for care.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part. The first body part can be about the good points, and the second can be about the bad points. This plan is clear, but each idea needs more full support.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas clearer. Use simple words such as “because”, “so”, “as a result”, and “however” only when they show a real link.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because key words are not clear. For example, write “the population may grow” instead of “they will be a huge number of people on the earth”.
coherence and cohesion
In the last part, repeat your own view clearly. For example: “I believe the good points are greater because longer, healthier lives are more important than the extra cost, which states can plan for.”
task response
You discuss both good and bad points of longer life, including better health, more people, and more need for health care.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, two main body parts, and an ending. The use of “On one hand” and “On the other hand” helps the reader follow the two sides.
task response
You give examples in both body parts, which shows that you are trying to support your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • personal fulfillment
  • chronic diseases
  • economic growth
  • aging population
  • mentoring
  • community development
  • public resources
  • healthcare systems
  • pension systems
  • ageism
  • quality of life
  • vulnerable populations
  • healthcare advancements
  • longevity
  • experience and knowledge
  • socioeconomic impacts
  • elder care
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