IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is sometimes said that ‘travel broadens the mind’. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
IN RECENT TIMES, SOME
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 THINK THAT TRAVELLING PLAYS A CRUCIAL ROLE IN FOSTERING THE KNOWLEDGE LEVEL. AS, IT WILL GIVE OPPORTUNITY TO GAIN INFORMATION REGARDING
THERE
Correct determiner usage
THEIR
show examples
 CULTURE, SOCIAL LIFE AND
FOOD
Use synonyms
 HABITS.
THIS
Linking Words
 TOPIC IS
GATHERED
Wrong verb form
GATHERING
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 SIGNIFICANT ATTENTION AND
SPARKED WIDEPSPREAD
Wrong verb form
SPARKING WIDESPREAD
show examples
 DISCUSSIONS. I TOTALLY AGREE WITH
THIS
Linking Words
 STATEMENT , AND I WILL
DISUCSS
Correct your spelling
DISCUSS
 IT IN THE UPCOMING PARAGRAPHS.
Body paragraph 1
TO EMBARK UPON, TRAVEL BROADENS THE MIND WITH IMPACTFUL KNOWLEDGE AND HISTORY.
MOREOVER
Linking Words
, IT WILL HELPS
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 TO RESIODE THERE, TF THEY TRAVEL BEACAUSE OF THEIR WORK.
FOR INSTANCE
Linking Words
,
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 WHO TRAVEL BEFORE IN THAT AREA BEFORE
THEN
Linking Words
 IT WILL HELP THEM TO MANAGE THINGS MORE EFFICENTLY AND QUICKLY.
Body paragraph 2
ON THE OTHER HAND
Linking Words
, IT PROVIDE MULTIPLE INFORMATION REGARDING HISTORICAL VIEWS , CULTURAL HISTORY WHICH THEY READ IN THE BOOKS.
ALSO
Linking Words
,
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 GET TO
KNW
Correct your spelling
KNOW
 ABOUT THE SCRUMPTIOUS
FOOD
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 AND HAVE A CHANCE TO ENJOY IT WITH A MAGNIFICENT VIEW. TO EPITOMIZE, IF A PERSON
VERY
Verb problem
IS VERY
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 KEEN ON
FOOD
Use synonyms
,
THEN
Linking Words
FOOD
Use synonyms
 VLOGGING AND TRAVELLING HELP HIM IN TASTING NEW
FOOD
Use synonyms
 ITEMS AND
ALSO
Linking Words
 SHOW CONTENT REAGRDING THAT PRODUCTS.
Body paragraph 3
ALONG WITH
Linking Words
 THAT PERSON WITH
HISTORICAL
Add an article
A HISTORICAL
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 BACKGROUND
ALSO
Linking Words
 GOT HELP IN THEIR
RESEARCHING
Replace the word
RESEARCH
 METHOD AND DEVELOPING A THESIS.
Conclusion
TO RECAPITULATE, TRAVELLING WILL BOOST YOUR ENERGY AND LEARNING SKILLS,
ALONG WITH
Linking Words
 MORE CREATIVITY AND UNIQUE IDEAS. IT WILL ALLOWS YOU TO TASTE THE WORLD'S DIFFERENT FLAVOURS AND GAIN GOOD AMOUNT OF KNOWLEDGE.
FURTHERMORE
Linking Words
, IT GIVES U A SENSE OF SECURITY AND CONFIDENCE
Change preposition
AT
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THE SAME TIME. AND
THIS
Linking Words
 WILL
BRINGS
Wrong verb form
BRING
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 YOU
A
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
SOME TIME
RELAXTATION
Correct your spelling
RELAXATION
 AND
GREAT
Add an article
A GREAT
show examples
ENVIROMENT
Correct your spelling
ENVIRONMENT
 FOR EXPLORING.

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task response
State your main view in a clear way: travel can open people’s minds because it lets them see new ways of life. Keep every main paragraph close to this idea.
task response
Explain each point more fully. For example, say how meeting local people can change a visitor’s ideas about a place, not only that they can see food or history.
task response
Use one real and clear example. You could write about a trip where you learned that people in another place live, work, or eat in a different way.
task response
Some points do not clearly show how travel broadens the mind. Ideas about work, energy, security, and rest need a clear link to the question, or they should be left out.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, first reason, second reason, and conclusion. This will make your answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and an example before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way, such as “First,” “For example,” “Also,” and “As a result.” Do not use long opening phrases when they do not add meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very short or unclear lines, such as the sentence about a person with a history background. Join it to the paragraph and explain what it means.
task response
You clearly give your view that you agree, and you keep a positive view of travel from the start to the end.
task response
You include useful ideas about culture, history, food, and new experiences. These are linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can see the main shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use examples, such as food blogging and travel. This is a good way to make ideas more real.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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