IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information on the percentage of british people giving money to charity for the years 1990 and 2010.

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The chart below gives information on the percentage of british people giving money to charity for the years 1990 and 2010.
The bar chart compares the percentages of
british
Capitalize the proper name
British
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in five different
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 who donated money to charity in 1990 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportions for
people
Use synonyms
 making donations declined gradually among those under 50,
whereas
Linking Words
 the figures for the two older
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 increased.
While
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 aged 36-50
more
Verb problem
were more
show examples
 likely to donate in 1990, the 51-65
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 recorded the highest proportion in 2010. In 1990,
people
Use synonyms
 aged 36-50 demonstrated the highest percentage, at almost 42%, followed by the 51-65
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
accounted
Correct pronoun usage
, which accounted
show examples
 for 35%.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are over 65 and the 26-35
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 showed almost identical
trajectory
Check wording
trajectories
show examples
, at 32% and 31%, respectively. Meanwhile,
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
 generation
who
Punctuation problem
, who
show examples
 are around 18-
25
Punctuation problem
25,
show examples
 recorded the lowest figure, at approximately 17%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, in 2010, the figures for three
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 decreased considerably. The
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 at 26-35 and 36-50 declined by 7%, compared with the 18-25
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
fell
Correct pronoun usage
, which fell
show examples
 by 10%, remaining
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 lowest level. The other two
groups
Use synonyms
,
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
show examples
 saw an upward trend. The 21-65
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 from 35% to just above 40%, representing the largest share, and the
donators
Correct your spelling
donors
 over 65
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 from 32% to 35%, ranking the second-highest proportion.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, age, groups, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • charitable giving
  • demographic analysis
  • economic factors
  • social awareness
  • technological advancements
  • societal values
  • donation patterns
  • functioning and effectiveness
  • speculate
  • future trends
What to do next:
Look at other essays: