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Writing Samples
Band 6

The tendency of human beings to copy one another is shown in the popularity of fashions in clothes and other consumer goods. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Introduction
In a fast-paced world, the widening of fashion styles and other consumer goods creates an ongoing debate regarding individuals' tendency to imitate
others
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. A group of
people
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 believe that
this
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 trend happens
due to
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 the development of social platforms.
However
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,
others
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 claim that the increase in these human's behavior may lead to several issues.
Therefore
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, ahead of my opinion, both viewpoints will be discussed
further
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.
Body paragraph 1
Examining
this
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 opinion, the primary argument the supporters would put forward is that
people
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 tend to copy
others
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 because they want to fit in with society and feel accepted by
others
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.
This
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 is because they do not want to look different from their friends.
In addition
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, they
also
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 believe that following popular
trends
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 can help them feel more confident. The reason is that wearing fashionable clothes can help them look better and feel more comfortable around
others
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the contrary
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, those in favour of the latter opinion have their own arguments.
In contrast
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, the influence of celebrities can have negative effects that should not be underestimated.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that customers tend to choose items that they have a particular interest in and bring new
trends
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.
This
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 is because of the fame and credibility that celebrities bring, which helps these items, specifically clothes, perfume, or shoes, leading to an increase in sales and
speeds
Wrong verb form
speeding up
show examples
 power showout and buyer demand .
Consequently
Linking Words
, they copy other
people
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 about other items when there are new
trends
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, which can reduce
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of life and income.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can make them less independent, resulting in a cycle of trying to catch up with
others
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.
Conclusion
Therefore
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, there are convincing reasons why
people
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 tend to imitate one another in fashion and consumer behaviour. I firmly agree with
this
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 view because
people
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's fear of being left behind by society and the influence of social media both contribute to the popularity of consumer
trends
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.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first paragraph. The question asks if you agree or disagree, so do not say that you will discuss both sides unless you really do this in a clear way.
task response
Give two clear reasons for your view. For example, people copy fashion because they want to belong to a group, and because famous people and social media make some goods look better.
task response
Add one real and clear example. You could write about people buying the same shoes as a singer, or students wearing the same style as their friends.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. Say how copying others can make people spend too much money, feel worried, or lose their own style.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simpler plan: introduction with your view, one body paragraph for wanting to fit in, one body paragraph for social media and famous people, then a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not clear. For example, the paragraph about famous people moves from sales to quality of life too fast. Explain each step in order.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “This is because” many times. Use other simple links, such as “For this reason”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “For example”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the second body paragraph easier to read. The part about “speeds power showout” is not clear and should be removed or written again in simple words.
task response
You give a clear final view that people often copy others in fashion and buying habits.
task response
You include useful main ideas, such as the wish to fit in, fear of being left behind, social media, and famous people.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “In addition”, “On the contrary”, “Moreover”, and “Consequently”.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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