IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time with leisure activities. Does this situation have more disadvantages or disadvantages?

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Many
people
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 think that working for prolonged hours each day can impact the individuals's free
time
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.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that
this
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 development offers various advantages, others believe it brings certain drawbacks. In my opinion, the drawbacks are more significant because
it
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they
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 can influence social bonds and mental health.
Although
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 working for an
extend
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extended
 period of
time
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 can be tiring and
time
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-consuming, the benefits of improving vital skills during the first developing years in any
fields
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field
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 are essential.
On the other hand
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, there are several disadvantages that should be considered. What I mean is that the long working hours can have
direct
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a direct
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 impact on
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people
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people's
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 mental health
as well as
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social
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their social
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 health.
Furthermore
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, when
people
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 tend to work for 10 or 12 hours each day, they cannot find
time
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 to rest or even
socialize
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socialise
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, which can lead to serious complications mentally and socially. Leisure activities are vital for everyone to spend
time
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 with family and
friend
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friends
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, when
people
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donnot
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do not
 have a period of
time
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 during the week to
socialize
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socialise
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 or unwind; that may contribute to social isolation, loneliness, stress, and anxiety. In conclusion,
although
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 working for
prolonged
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a prolonged
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time
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 has some advantages like
enhance
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enhancing
 learning ability for new workers, I believe its disadvantages
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such
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, such
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 as
,
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apply
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 mental issues and poor social
connections
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connections,
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 are more important.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. State clearly that the bad points are greater, then explain why in each main paragraph.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and one real example. For example, explain how long work hours can cause stress, poor sleep, and less time for family.
task response
The good side is too short and not fully explained. Give one clear good point, such as more pay or faster work skills, before showing why the bad points are greater.
task response
Use more exact examples. You could write about a parent who works twelve hours a day and misses meals or time with children.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, good points, bad points, and conclusion. This will make your answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body paragraph mixes the good side with the bad side, so the flow is not always clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully: 'On the one hand' for benefits, 'On the other hand' for drawbacks, and 'For example' before an example.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about mental health and social life without adding new detail. Add clear steps: long hours reduce rest, less rest causes stress, and stress can harm family life.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word forms and sentence links. For example, write 'people's mental health', 'an extended period', 'friends', and 'do not'.
task response
You give a clear view that the bad points are more important, and you stay on the topic.
task response
You choose relevant main ideas: mental health and social ties.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as 'While', 'On the other hand', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion'.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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