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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that professional such as, doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Other believe that they should be free to work in the other countries discuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
There is an ongoing debate regarding where
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professionals
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as doctors and
engineers
Punctuation problem
engineers,
show examples
 should
work
Use synonyms
. Some people argue that they should be required to
work
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 in the
country
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 where they received
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 training and
educated
Replace the word
education
, so as to repay society and reduce staff shortages.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 I believe they should be free to
work
Use synonyms
 in other
countries
Use synonyms
 and decide it for themselves, as it encourages personal freedom and provides better career opportunities.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, some people believe that professionals
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
work
Use synonyms
 in the
countries
Use synonyms
 where they studied and qualified, as
government
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the government
show examples
 invest significant amount of public money
on
Change preposition
in
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 educating and training specialists.
Thus
Linking Words
, they will contribute
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
country
Use synonyms
's development after completing training.
For example
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, specialists could
work
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 in hospitals, both helping
for
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apply
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people,
as well as
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 improving the
hospitals
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hospital's
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 efficiency.
In addition
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, it is
also
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 beneficial in terms of solving the shortage of skilled workers. Many nations, particularly developing
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countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
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 may lack professionals.
Therefore
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, keeping qualified workers can help in
overcomig
Correct your spelling
overcoming
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, individuals should have the right to decide where to live and
work
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 after completing their education, because they
also
Linking Words
 invested their time and effort in their education. Another major reason is
working
Correct word choice
that working
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 in different
countries
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 or abroad
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 greater career opportunities and better salaries.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can gain international experiences and learn advanced skills that may not be available in their home
country
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. To illustrate, doctors may
work
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 in different
countries
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 where they learn modern
technogies
Correct your spelling
technologies
 and new
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 skills.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can share their knowledge to improve their
country
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 in the future.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
wroking
Correct your spelling
working
 in
area
Add an article
an area
show examples
 where individuals received education and training can contribute
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
country
Use synonyms
's development and avoid
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
show examples
 of specialists, in my view,
profesionals shold
Correct your spelling
professionals should
 decide it
themslves
Correct your spelling
themselves
, as they spend their time and effort to learn, and it can provide more job opportunities and better working conditions.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view clearly. To make your ideas stronger, explain more fully why a country should be able to ask for some work after training paid for by the public.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: helping the home country, staff shortages, freedom, pay, and work chances. Add one more clear step after each idea to show how it affects people or the country.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but they are quite general. Use a more real example, such as a doctor working in a small town with too few doctors, or an engineer helping build roads or clean water systems.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some links are not needed, and some sentences become long. Keep one main idea in each sentence when possible.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences smoother. For example, after saying that workers can learn new skills abroad, clearly say that they may later bring these skills back home.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word choices that can make meaning less clear. For example, write “work in hospitals, helping people and improving hospital efficiency” instead of “helping for people.”
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain both views and state your own opinion from the opening to the ending.
task response
Your view is clear and stays the same: trained workers should be free to choose where they work.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one clear side of the discussion, which helps the reader follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to the main points and gives a clear final view.
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