IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that university students should focus only on their main field of study, while others think they should be required to take subjects outside their major. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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Introduction
Authorities
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 of many countries are spending a lot of their financial resources on public transport rather than investing it in repairing and building new
roads
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. I completely agree with spending government
funds
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 on public
transportation
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 because
this
Linking Words
 measure would have a beneficial impact on society.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, investing the government’s
funds
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 is crucial for the community because
this
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 approach is definitely going to help people with low income.
This
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 is mainly because when
authorities
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 make effective improvements in the community by investing
funds
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 in public
transportation
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, individuals who can not afford to own private vehicles would benefit from using these
transportation
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 lines and
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 not face difficulties regarding
this
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 matter.
For example
Linking Words
, many governments are planning to help individuals who are working in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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low-paying
job
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jobs
show examples
 by spending massive efforts on public transport in order to make
transportation
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 much easier for them.
Consequently
Linking Words
, no one in the community would ever find
issues
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 when it comes to travelling and getting to their destinations.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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,
Authorities
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 that are spending a large amount of money on public transport aim to reduce the number of cars in
roads
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. One major reason for
that is
Linking Words
when
Correct word choice
that when
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authorities
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 are able to reduce private vehicles on the
roads
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, they will easily resolve the pollution issue caused by private cars
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 prevents environmental
issues
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, if governments plan to invest
funds
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 in public
transportation
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 in order to reduce the number of cars owned by their citizens, they would be able to manage the pollution and resolve any detrimental environmental
issues
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they would be able to make a shift toward resolving these environmental
issues
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 , which
leads
Wrong verb form
would lead
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 to real advancements in society.
Conclusion
Although
Linking Words
 many people believe that governments should spend money on repairing and building new
roads
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, I firmly believe that
authorities
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 should invest their finances in improving public
transportation
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.

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task response
Your answer does not fully answer the given question. The question asks about university students and subjects outside their main field, but your essay talks about public transport and roads. Read the question very carefully and make sure every main idea answers that exact topic.
task response
State your view on the choice in the question, then explain why. For this topic, you could discuss whether students should study only their main subject or also take other subjects.
task response
Use clear, real examples that fit the topic. For example, a science student may learn business or speaking skills, while a medical student may need ethics or psychology.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. However, this good shape cannot help enough because the content is about a different topic. Keep all parts linked to the same question.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main paragraph begin with one direct point. Then explain it, give one example, and link it back to your view. This will make the ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same point again in the example and the last sentence of a paragraph. Add a new reason or a clear result instead.
task response
You give a clear personal view and support it with two reasons: helping people with less money and cutting pollution.
coherence and cohesion
The writing is easy to follow in form: it has an opening, two body paragraphs, and a final statement. Words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “For example”, and “Therefore” help show the order of ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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