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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done? Write an essay giving reasons for your answer and including any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
The issue of whether
students
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 find it difficult to concentrate or pay
attention
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 at
school
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 has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some
students
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 believe that it is easy to concentrate at
school
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,
while
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 others argue that it is difficult to pay
attention
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 at
school
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.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
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 both arguments have their merits ,I firmly believe that
students
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 can
focus
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 on their
education
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.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,those who advocate that
students
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 can
focus
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at
Change preposition
on
show examples
school
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 argue that many
students
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 can manage their time ,so that they can concentrate at
school
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,and get high grades.
For instance
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,if a boy have daily routine,he can be a successful person in the future because he will create a balance in all aspects of his
live
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life
.
Furthermore
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,many families encourage their children to join the gym.The main reason is that they think it will help their children to give them energy to
focus
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 at
school
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,many who hold the belief that
students
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 find it difficult to concentrate or pay
attention
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 at
school
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 emphasise that many
students
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 might
distract
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be distracted
show examples
 because of their
friends
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.
For instance
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,if a student his
friends
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 are not paying
attention
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 at their
education
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 because they think study a waste of time,his
friends
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 might impact on his
education
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.The main reason is that many
friends
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 can affect
negatively with each others
Correct word order
each other negatively
show examples
.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are valid arguments on both sides ,I firmly believe that
students
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 can
focus
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 on their
education
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.The reasons outlined above clearly demonstrate that
students
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 can
organize
Change the spelling
organise
show examples
 their time to create a balance in all aspects of their lives.

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task response
Answer both parts of the question more directly. Give clear reasons why students cannot pay attention, then give clear ways to help them. Your first body paragraph says students can focus, but it does not explain a main reason for poor focus.
task response
Give more full ideas. For example, phones, noise, lack of sleep, stress, and hard lessons can stop students from paying attention. Then explain how schools, parents, and students can help.
task response
Use examples that clearly support your point. The example about a daily plan is useful, but explain how it helps a student focus in class. The gym example needs a clearer link to attention at school.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction; reasons for poor attention; ways to solve the problem; conclusion. Do not spend one whole paragraph arguing that students can focus, because the question asks why many students find it hard.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph about one main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence, explain the idea, and then give one example. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, such as “One reason is…”, “Another reason is…”, “To solve this…”, and “For example…”. Make sure each link shows the right connection between ideas.
task response
You give a clear view in the introduction and repeat it in the conclusion.
task response
You include ideas about time plans, exercise, and friends. These are linked to student focus.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as “On one hand”, “Furthermore”, “For instance”, and “To sum up”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • concentration
  • attention span
  • distractions
  • technology
  • boredom
  • tiredness
  • engagement
  • learning disabilities
  • teaching techniques
  • classroom size
  • family issues
  • health problems
  • motivational strategies
What to do next:
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