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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Buying things on the internet, such as groceries, books and air tickets is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantages.

5.5 / 9
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Introduction
IT IS UNDENIABLE THAT THE INTERNET GIVE US A VARIETY OF
PRODUCTS
Use synonyms
,
SUCH
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 AS GROCERY, NOVELS AND FLIGHT TICKETS, HAS BECOME INCREASINGLY COMMON IN TODAY'S WORLD.
WHILE
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THIS
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 DEVELOPMENT BRINGS SEVERAL NOTICABLE ADVANTAGES , IT IS NOT WITHOUT ITS DRAWBACKS.
THIS
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 ESSAY WILL EXAMINE BOTH THE BENEFITS AND DISADVANTAGES OF
THIS
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 TREND.
Body paragraph 1
THERE ARE SEVERAL COMPELLING MERITS ASSOCIATED WITH INTERNET USAGE. ONE OF THE SIGNIFICANT BENEFITS IS THAT IT GIVE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPLORE MULTIPLE
PRODUCTS
Use synonyms
 AT THE SAME TIME.
THIS
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 IS LARGELY BECAUSE IT SHOWS A HUGE VARIETY OF DIFFERENT THINGS WITH A GOOD PRICE AND
BY COMPARISON
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.
FOR INSTANCE
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, A PERSON CAN BOOK HIS FLIGHT
WHILE
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 COMPARING WITH OTHER SOURCES AND BOOKING WHERE HE CAN FIND IT CHEAPER THAN OTHERS.
AS A RESULT
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, THEY CAN SAVE THEIR MONEY .
Furthermore
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, IT ASLO HELP IN PROVIDING
GREAT
Add an article
A GREAT
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 AMOUNT OF KNOWLEDGE
WHILE
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 SHOWING MULTIPLE BOOKS AT A SPECIFIC TIME, WHICH CONTRIBUTE IN CONGITIVE SKILLS.
Body paragraph 2
DESPITE THE UPSIDE, INTERNET
ALSO
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 HAVE CERTAIN DRWABACKS THAT SHOULD NOT BE OVERLOOKED. ONE MAJOR CONCERN IS THAT LOCAL SHOPKEEPERS WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SELL THEIR
PRODUCTS
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 .
THIS
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 CAN BE ATTRIBUTED TO THE WASTAGE OF THE
PRODUCTS
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 IN A HUGE QUANTITY. TO EPITOMISE, PEOPLE ARE MORE CONCERNED
TOWARD
Change preposition
ABOUT
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 ONLINE SHOPPING
AND
Punctuation problem
, AND
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THIS
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 WILL DECREASE THE CONSUMERS IN THE LOCAL SHOPS.
IN ADDITION
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, THEY
ALSO
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 LOVE TO BUY BOOKS ON THE ONLINE PLATFORM WHICH SOMETIME DOESNOT HAVE GOOD PAPER QUALITY AND FONTS
ALSO
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THIS
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 LEDS TO INAPPROPRIATE KNOWLEDGE.
Conclusion
TO RECAPITULATE,
ALTHOUGH
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 BUYING STUFF FROM ONLINE OFFERS CONSIDERABLE BENEFITS, PARTICULARLY IN TERMS OF TIME CONSUMING, IT
ALSO
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 PREVENTS CERTAIN CHALLENGES ,
SUCH
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 AS INAPPROPRIATE SIZE, QUALITY AND FOOD
ALSO
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.
THEREFORE
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, BOTH POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE ASPECTS OF
THIS
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 DEVELOPMENT SHOULD BE CAREFULLY CONSIDERED.

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Task response
Give a clear answer in the first part: say if the good points are greater than the bad points. Your essay talks about both sides, but your own view is not clear.
Task response
Make your main ideas more fully clear. For example, online shopping can save time and let people see many prices. Then explain why this is more important than the bad points.
Task response
Use examples that directly show your point. The flight example is useful, but explain how it saves time as well as money. The point about books and knowledge is not clear and needs a better link.
Task response
Some bad points need more support. Local shops may lose buyers, but this does not always mean that products are wasted. Explain the link or use a more direct bad point, such as poor quality, wrong size, late delivery, or no chance to see the item first.
Coherence and cohesion
Use one clear topic in each body part. In the first body part, focus on choice, price, and time. In the second, focus on risks such as product quality and the effect on local shops.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the end match your answer. Do not only say that both sides should be thought about. State clearly whether the good points are greater than the bad points.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “However” are helpful, but make sure the next sentence follows the idea before it.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Write shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
Task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of online shopping, which is important for this question.
Task response
The example of comparing flight prices is linked to the topic and shows a real use of online shopping.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, two main body parts, and an ending.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signpost words, such as “For instance”, “Furthermore”, “Despite”, and “In addition”.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Convenience
  • Time-saving
  • Variety
  • Accessibility
  • Competitive pricing
  • Discounts
  • Cost-effective
  • Environmental impact
  • Carbon footprint
  • Security risk
  • Data breach
  • Product quality
  • Consumer behavior
  • Physical inspection
  • Returns policy
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