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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Art classes such as painting or drawing are as important for children's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Extra co-curriculars
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Extra-curricular activities
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 have always been considered trivial by some ethnic communities
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while
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, while
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 others believe that they play a pivotal role in
an
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apply
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overall
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 child
development
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. The subsequent paragraphs will delve into a deeper understanding of
this
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 phenomenon. In my opinion, extra
co-curriculars
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co-curricular activities
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such
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 as
art
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 and painting should be compulsory to reduce stress levels among
children
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at
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in
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 schools.
Body paragraph 1
Art
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 is a way of expressing oneself. It helps to express emotions that words cannot
otherwise
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 express. The compulsion of
art
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 subjects in schools does not necessarily mean they should be graded
but
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, but
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 must be treated as an act of relaxation and self-expression.
For example
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, schools should enforce at least forty minutes of
art
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 and painting classes where students are allowed to broaden the horizons of their creativity since the modern-world education is shrinking cognitive
development
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 because
children
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 are forced to stay stuck on arithmetic equations and the related assessment tasks that
consequently
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 hampers social
development
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 and communication.
Body paragraph 2
I agree with the compulsion of adding
art
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 classes to the curriculum because
everything is not
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not everything is
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 just for good grades. The necessity stems from the belief that
art
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 slows down
children
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 by giving them
opportunity
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the opportunity
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 to enjoy the world outside the complicated words of books. Life learned through practical application is worth more than formulas and equations.
Conclusion
Therefore
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, artistic merits are generally overlooked because people fail to admire creativity that contributes towards better brain health among
children
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. Parents should understand that academic curriculum is important
but
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, but
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 so is cognitive
development
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 and free will.

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task response
State your view more directly in the first paragraph. Say clearly that you agree that art should be a required high-school subject.
task response
Develop two clear reasons for your view. For example, art can help children deal with stress, and it can build creative thinking and self-expression.
task response
Explain each reason in more detail. The point about social growth and communication is not fully shown. Explain how an art class can help students work, share, and talk with others.
task response
Use a more real example. Instead of saying what schools should do in general, describe how a weekly art class could help a student who feels under pressure from tests.
task response
Do not repeat broad ideas such as grades, books, and equations without linking them back to the question about art as a required subject in high school.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduce your view, give one reason in each body paragraph, and finish by restating your view.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body paragraph focused on one main point. The first body paragraph moves from emotions to creativity, school work, social growth, and communication. Split or shorten these ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words such as “First,” “Also,” “For example,” and “As a result.” This will make the steps in your argument easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The opening sentence about “ethnic communities” does not help answer the question. Start with art classes and children’s development instead.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph a stronger ending. Clearly say again that art should be required, then briefly give your two main reasons.
task response
You give a clear positive view that art can lower stress and help children express feelings.
task response
You include a useful school-based example about giving students time for art and painting.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, two main body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “For example,” “because,” and “Therefore.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Visual-spatial skills
  • Fine motor skills
  • Emotional expression
  • Creative thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Cultural awareness
  • Historical context
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Teamwork
  • Collaboration
  • Self-esteem
  • Sense of accomplishment
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