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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel supermarkets and manufacturers have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
It is often argued that some
people
Use synonyms
 feel stores and industries are fully responsible to reduce the amount of packaging of products. Others argue that clients should avoid buying packaged goods. In my opinion, even though
people
Use synonyms
 have their own choice about what
product
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 they buy, corporations and stores are somehow responsible for
people
Use synonyms
's choices and what
product
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 is packaged.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, since large companies can control what
product
Use synonyms
 has to packaged, they can choose another option of materials
instead
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 of using plastic for packaging.
Thus
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,
people
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 feel free about whether
choosing
Wrong verb form
to choose
show examples
 packaged items or free ones.
For example
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, some items are packaged
by
Change preposition
apply
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using plastic, and there are many
people
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 that trying to tackle climate change by using eco-friendly brands, if items
coverd
Wrong verb form
are covered
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 with eco-friendly materials.
As a result
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, they can feel free about what to choose without worrying and avoiding some harmful packaged goods.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are
supermarket
Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
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 that don't use
another
Correct determiner usage
other
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 covering options,
such
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 as cloth
bag
Check wording
bags
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.
This
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 is because it is very expensive compared with
another
Correct determiner usage
other
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 options, and
people
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 usually avoid using it because of
this
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 reason.
However
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,
for instance
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, there are some countries that enforced regulations about using recycling matrials.
Consequently
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, the supermarkets in these countries are using suitable environmental materials, as the shoppers there are relying on them as well.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both stores and industries have to provide
another
Correct determiner usage
other
show examples
 options to customers, as they already can control which
product
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 design suits
people
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, without affecting
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 or safety of the item.

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task response
Discuss both sides more fully. Explain why firms should cut packaging, such as their power to choose materials and make less waste. Then explain why buyers should refuse goods with too much packaging, because their choices can push firms to change.
task response
Make your own view very clear. You say firms and stores are responsible, but you should also state that buyers have a part to play. Give a clear reason why one side has more duty than the other.
task response
Use examples that clearly prove each point. The example about rules in some countries is useful, but say what the rule is and how it cuts waste. Avoid examples that are not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part. The first body part can focus on firms and stores. The second can focus on buyers. At present, the second part mainly talks about stores again, so the two sides are not balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple, clear words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “Therefore”. Make sure each link shows the right relation between the two ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sentences easier to follow. For example, change “there are supermarket that don't use another covering options” to “Some supermarkets do not offer other types of packaging.” Check plural words and verb forms throughout.
task response
You answer the question and give your own view in both the start and the end.
task response
You include relevant ideas about plastic, eco-friendly materials, cost, and rules made by countries.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “To begin with”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive packaging
  • plastic waste
  • environmental impact
  • product design
  • reduce material use
  • eco-friendly packaging
  • recyclable materials
  • single-use plastic
  • consumer demand
  • purchasing decisions
  • minimal packaging
  • refillable containers
  • loose produce
  • supply chain
  • retailers and manufacturers
  • protect product quality
  • keep food fresh
  • take greater responsibility
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