IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that online shopping is becoming more popular because it allows consumers to compare products and prices easily. Others believe that shopping in physical stores is still better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It is argued that online shopping is becoming very popular nowadays.
This
Linking Words
 is because it
offers
Verb problem
allows
show examples
 buyers to distinguish between
products
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 prices,
whereas
Linking Words
 others prefer that physical shopping is efficient.
Linking Words
This
Change preposition
In this
show examples
 essay
I
Punctuation problem
, I
show examples
will elucidate both aspects, followed by my own opinion.
Body paragraph 1
There are numerous reasons why online purchasing is becoming famous
due to
Linking Words
 it provides various
kind
Check wording
kinds
show examples
 of collections for males and females
,
Punctuation problem
. Individuals
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
 can effortlessly browse websites and select a particular item
according to
Linking Words
 their preference as well.
This
Linking Words
 might assist
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 to find out the
products
Use synonyms
 or clothes they consider,
also
Linking Words
seller
Add an article
the seller
show examples
 could run
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
 business from home.
As a result
Linking Words
, online shopping is much more convenient than traditional shopping centre and residents may get some discounts by purchasing
products
Use synonyms
 and other stuffs.
For instance
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
 can order any items from their place
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it will be delivered
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their house.
Body paragraph 2
Linking Words
on
Capitalize the word
On
show examples
 the other hand, physical purchasing still offers several advantages.
This
Linking Words
 is because
individuals
Use synonyms
 not only check the authenticity of any
products
Use synonyms
, but they
also
Linking Words
 trail those
products
Use synonyms
, especially clothes.
Thus
Linking Words
, buyers are able to choose the accurate size for their clothes, which is not possible in online shopping.
However
Linking Words
, often
individuals
Use synonyms
 are getting deceived by online shopping because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they
not
Verb problem
do not
show examples
 find out the right sources. As far as I am concerned, physical shopping is more efficient than online shopping.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, even though online shopping has several
advantageous
Replace the word
advantages
, as far as I am concerned,
physical
Add an article
a physical
show examples
 store is more convenient
Linking Words
instead of
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 online buying.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Discuss both views in equal detail. Explain why online shopping helps people compare price and choice. Then explain why shops help people see, touch, and try goods before they buy.
task response
Make your own view clear in the start and keep it the same. You say shops are more efficient, but your last line says they are more convenient. Choose one main idea and explain why it matters more.
task response
Use one clear example for each view. For online shopping, compare the same phone on two sites. For shops, explain how trying on clothes can stop a wrong size.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, online view, shop view and your view, then conclusion. This will make your answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start body paragraphs with clear main sentences. For example: “Online shopping is useful because it saves time and makes price checks easy.”
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “Therefore”. Do not put too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. Use “online shopping” and “physical stores” often, rather than changing them to unclear words such as “physical purchasing” or “public”.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear personal view in favour of physical stores.
task response
Your points about home delivery, lower prices, checking goods, and trying clothes are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “For instance”, “As a result”, and “To sum up”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: