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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many parents choose to work abroad and take their children with them. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages, and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays, a large number of parents are going to work in other countries as well
picking
Punctuation problem
, picking
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 up their families with them.
However
Linking Words
,
this
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 trend has some obvious drawbacks
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 I believe that advantages
such
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 as
better
Add an article
a better
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quality
Use synonyms
 of
life
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a far more significant benefit.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the main negative aspect of working in
other
Correct determiner usage
another
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country
Use synonyms
 is
lack
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the lack
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 of communication with workers or friends.
This
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 is because people may
don't
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not
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 accept their culture or
tradtions
Correct your spelling
traditions
, which will lead to
lack
Add an article
a lack
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 of experience or
lbeign
Correct your spelling
being
 less talkative.
In addition
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, when individuals are moved to
other
Correct determiner usage
another
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country
Use synonyms
, they are suffering from
different
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a different
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 environment since there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 some regulations or rules regarding
uniform
Replace the word
uniformity
 in the office.
As a result
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, within 2 or 3
months
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months,
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 citizens may feel isolated from society with their own traditions or rules,
sometimes it can
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which can sometimes
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 lead to depression. A case in point is that 56% of new families in the US
has
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have
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 common problems, which is
lack
Add an article
a lack
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 of communication with workers or neighbours because they seem to be shy.
Body paragraph 2
It is true that working in
other
Correct determiner usage
another
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 brings a significant benefit in terms of
better
Add an article
a better
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quality
Use synonyms
 of
life
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.
This
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 means that people have some issues where they are working
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such
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, such
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 as low salary or
uncomfortable
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an uncomfortable
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 place.
Furthermore
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, individuals suffering from
common
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a common
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 type of
life
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, which is boring for them.
Consequently
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, after moving to
other
Correct determiner usage
another
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country
Use synonyms
 to work, they will find that there
is
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are
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 high standards of living with higher salaries,
while
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 their
children
Use synonyms
 may find new experiences with new friends because they need to be sociable.
For example
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, families that moved to Japan find that
there people
Correct word order
the people there
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 are living with high salaries and
good
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a good
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 education system for their
children
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.
Body paragraph 3
In conclusion, it is
also
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 evident that the trend has some negative aspects
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 I believe that working in
other
Correct determiner usage
another
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 will bring benefits
such
Linking Words
 as
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
quality
Use synonyms
 of
life
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 for parents and
children
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 since other nations have figures that cannot be reached by
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
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 where they are currently staying.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is
also
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 evident that the trend has some negative aspects
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 I believe that
Add an article
a
show examples
better
quality
Use synonyms
 of
life
Use synonyms
 is a far
mor
Correct your spelling
more
 effective
for
Check wording
solution for
show examples
 both sides since parents can observe new opportunities for employment,
whereas
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 will find new communications or a good education system.

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task response
Answer all parts in a clear way: give the good points, the bad points, and your own view. Your main view is clear, but explain more fully why life abroad is better for both parents and children.
task response
Use ideas that fit the topic. For example, parents may get more pay and children may get a good school. Bad points may include missing family, hard language, and trouble making friends.
task response
Make each example clear and real. The number about families in the US is not explained well and may not be true. A simple example about a child who cannot speak the new language would work better.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: start with your view, write one part on bad points, write one part on good points, then end with one short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Do not write the conclusion twice. Keep only one ending paragraph, and make it say your final view in new words.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. Use words such as "First", "Also", "For example", "However", and "As a result" only when the next sentence directly follows the last one.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the bad-points paragraph, explain one or two clear problems fully instead of moving quickly between culture, rules, work clothes, and depression.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides and give a clear view that moving abroad can improve family life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs for bad points and good points, and you use linking words such as "On the one hand", "Furthermore", and "For example".
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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