IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You have recently ordered an item through the Internet, but are not happy with the purchase. Write to the company. In your letter: – Describe what you purchased, – explain why you are not happy with the purchase, – tell them what you would like them to do about the situation.

4.5 / 9
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Dear Sir/Madam,
I'am
Correct your spelling
I'm
 writing to inform you that I'm not happy
of
Change preposition
with
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 the Item I bought
in
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from
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 your company.
Above all
Linking Words
, I received a black Hisense grey Television which is not the type I asked
.
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for.
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 The TV set I asked
is
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for is
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 a black LG screen
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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with an ultraviolet emission.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I'm not satisfied with the product because of the colour of the screen
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Although
Linking Words
 I did not
liked
Wrong verb form
like
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 it, I tested it
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the result was not
conevenient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 for me, as the station when on heat a lot,
also
Linking Words
 it talks in French, I tried to fix the settings
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 unfortunately it
was
Wrong verb form
did
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 not change.
Finally
Linking Words
, since I have a Guarantee I would like to be given the one I asked
at
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for at
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 the begining since it is the one I purchased
for
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apply
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.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, I would like to be tested before it comes to my house in
other
Use the right word
order
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 to avoid
this
Linking Words
 circumstance again. I'm looking forward to
hear
Wrong verb form
hearing
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 from you! Yours Faithfully! Axel.

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task response
Say the order number, the date, and the full name of the TV. This will help the company find your order.
task response
Make the problem clear. For example, say that you ordered a black LG TV, but you got a grey Hisense TV. Also say that it gets very hot and uses French.
task response
Ask for one clear thing: a new LG TV or your money back. Do not ask for the TV to be tested only; this is not a clear end to the problem.
coherence and cohesion
Use short, clear parts: what you bought, what is wrong, and what you want. Start each part with a simple link such as “First”, “Also”, and “Finally”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each part. The second part has many problems, so make each problem a short sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Check word order and verb forms. For example, write “I am not happy with the item” and “it did not change”.
coherence and cohesion
Use “Yours faithfully” after “Dear Sir/Madam”, without an exclamation mark.
task response
You say what you bought, why you are unhappy, and what you want the company to do.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear start, middle, and end. You also use linking words such as “Moreover” and “Finally”.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and closing are polite and fit a letter to a company.
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