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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken

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Introduction
In today's world, the proportion of
people
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 who are suffering from
stress
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 is growing more significantly in many regions. Do you think there are some causes for
this
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 problem? Can
people
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 find solutions to
this
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 obstacle? In my opinion, there are some factors of
this
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 problem
and
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, and
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their
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there
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 are some
ways
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 to help
people
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 stop suffering from
stress
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.
This
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 essay will examine both contributing factors and initive
ways
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 to stop suffering from
stress
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.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with,
people
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 can feel stressed in many situations.
For example
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, taking a quiz, presenting a project in front of colleagues or even meeting new
people
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. A person's way of reacting towards these actions can really help state their position, whether they are stressed
on
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or
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 not.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, new studies have shown effective
ways
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 that
people
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 can use to overcome the feeling of becoming stressed.
Firstly
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, if you ever feel stressed, try to think of a happy memory or a place that holds
jouful
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joyful
 emotions in your heart.
Moreover
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, nowadays teenagers intend to use
stress
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-free tools, like balls, pens or even car keys.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 can erase the feeling of
stress
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 by doing something that they enjoy.
For example
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, shopping and reading. From my own experience, when
i
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I
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 am feeling stresesd i go online shopping or even physical shopping. Shopping plays a big role when
i
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I
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 am trying to scare
this
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 emotion away.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 the number of
people
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 suffering from
stress
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 is growing, there are some
ways
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 that could help reduce and limit
stress
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. I believe, that
people
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 should try to feel more relaxed about difficult situations and not freak outl,
people
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 should
also
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 try the methods illustrated in the essay.

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task response
You answer both parts: causes and ways to help. However, the causes are not fully clear. The first body part gives times when people feel stress, but it does not explain why stress is growing in many countries. Add causes such as long work hours, money problems, school pressure, and little free time.
task response
Make each main idea clear, then explain it. For example, say that long work hours can cause stress because people have less time to rest, sleep, and be with family.
task response
Your ways to reduce stress are useful, but some need more support. Explain how happy thoughts, hobbies, or stress tools can help people feel calm.
task response
Use examples that fit the main point. Your shopping example is personal and clear, but add a wider example, such as workers taking short breaks or schools giving help to students.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion. This makes the order easy to follow. To improve it, give each body part one clear job: one for causes and one for solutions.
coherence and cohesion
The first body part should not mainly list stressful events. Start with a clear main sentence about a cause of rising stress, then give an example and explain the result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. 'On the other hand' is not right before another solution, because it shows a different or opposite idea. Use 'In addition' or 'Another way' instead.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating 'stress' and 'suffering from stress' too often. You can also use 'this feeling', 'this problem', or 'feeling under pressure'.
task response
You give several ways to help people feel less stressed, such as thinking of happy times, using small tools, reading, and shopping.
task response
You include an example from your own life. This helps show what you mean.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader that the essay will discuss causes and ways to help.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to the main topic and gives a final view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Burnout
  • Digital detox
  • Mindfulness
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy
  • Financial stability
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Resilience training
  • Support networks
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