IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In the last decade, there has been an increase in the number of varieties of online courses available to adults. While welcomed as a great opportunity by many students, other student see these courses as a poor substitut

2.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays, a number of online courses are available to students. They see
this
Linking Words
 as a great benefit to them.
On the
Change preposition
In
show examples
 contrast, few children believe online teaching has many significant effects.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, school teaching offers numerous benefits
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 academic success. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss both
pros
Add an article
the pros
show examples
 and cons of taking
classes
Use synonyms
 from home.
Body paragraph 1
First of all,
while
Linking Words
 studying online, it saves time for children who
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to explore and do something of their own interest.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, online classrooms
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
 students to sit and attend
classes
Use synonyms
 from the comfort of their
house
Check wording
homes
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it does not incur additional costs of travelling
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it saves them money.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, these
classes
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have a detrimental effect on teenagers’ health as they spend most of their time sitting in front of a computer. To explicate
this
Linking Words
, screen time leads to unintended consequences.
Body paragraph 3
In addition
Linking Words
, youngsters do not acquire practical lessons in an online set-up
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a negative impact on their academic success.
For instance
Linking Words
,
World
Add an article
the World
show examples
 Health Organisation (WHO) released
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
data which indicated that almost 90% of young people are prone to medical conditions like obesity.
Conclusion
To
summarize
Change the spelling
summarise
show examples
, whether online
classes
Use synonyms
 are good or bad is a matter of considerable debate. One should strike a balance between online teaching and their health.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more fully. Explain why some students like online courses and why others think they are a poor choice. Then make your own view clear and keep it the same from start to end.
task response
Your main view is not clear. You say school teaching is better, but much of the essay talks about online classes. State if you think online learning is good, bad, or best when mixed with school learning.
task response
Give fuller reasons. For example, online classes may save travel time, but school classes can give direct help, group work, and hands-on learning.
task response
Use examples that match each point. The health fact supports screen-time harm, but it does not show that online learning causes all of these health problems. Explain the link carefully.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, reasons in favour, reasons against, and conclusion. Keep one main idea in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. Use words such as “On the one hand”, “For example”, “However”, and “As a result” only when the next sentence directly follows the last one.
coherence and cohesion
Make the second body part easier to follow. Put health problems in one paragraph and the lack of practical learning in another paragraph, or clearly show how they are linked.
coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, sum up both sides and repeat your own view. Do not add a new idea there.
task response
You include both good and bad points about online learning, such as saving time and possible health problems.
task response
You try to use an example about health to support your point.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “First of all”, “Furthermore”, “On the other hand”, and “To summarize”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: