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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in Townsend in two years 1960 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.

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The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in Townsend in two years 1960 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts break down the percentage of individuals who work in manufacturing,
sales
Use synonyms
 and
services
Use synonyms
 in Townsend in 1960 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, in
town
Use synonyms
 A, many people worked in manufacturing in 1960, but byfurther to 2010,
services
Use synonyms
 had the most of the workers. Meanwhile, in
town
Use synonyms
 B, despite a significant drop, the manufacturing remained dominant in both years. Looking at the details of the
town
Use synonyms
 A, in the previous year, manufacturing had the biggest share ( just more than 40%), followed by
services
Use synonyms
 and
sales
Use synonyms
 ( both had almost 30%). After 50 years, the trend changed dramatically.
While
Linking Words
 nearly twice as many workers operated in the sector of
services
Use synonyms
 (64%), 24 and 16 per cent used to work in
sales
Use synonyms
 respectively. Moving on to
town
Use synonyms
 B, 70 per cent of workers were employed in manufacturing in 1960.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, 20% of the rest of the people were in
sales
Use synonyms
 and 10% in
services
Use synonyms
. In 2010, manufacturing had the biggest number of employers with 53%.
However
Linking Words
, just a few more people worked in
services
Use synonyms
 (25%),
while
Linking Words
 20% occupied the
sales
Use synonyms
 sector.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, services, town with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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