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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the average number of hours people in the UK spent on various daily activities in selected years from 1985 to 2023.

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The graph below shows the average number of hours people in the UK spent on various daily activities in selected years from 1985 to 2023.
The line graph illustrates the average time spent on five various daily activities in the UK, between the period from 1985 to 2023.
Overall
Linking Words
, using media like TV and the internet had climbed significantly throughout the years,
whereas
Linking Words
 eating and drinking showed a moderate increase.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, working or studying, leisure and sports and household chores all had a gradual fall by the year 2023.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the use of media has increased steadily over the
38
Correct word choice
past 38
show examples
 years. It started at 2.5
hours
Use synonyms
 per day and ended in 2023 with 5.5
hours
Use synonyms
 per day.
Whereas
Linking Words
, eating and drinking
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 had a constant growth in their
Use synonyms
hours
Replace the word
hourly
 rate. Eating and drinking accounted for 1.5
hours
Use synonyms
 in 1984
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 it
then
Linking Words
 jumped to 1.8
hours
Use synonyms
 in 2000, continued rising until it achieved 2
hours
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in 2023.
However
Linking Words
, it is true that working and studying had a fall, from
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 more than 8
hours
Use synonyms
 in 1985, to 7.5
hours
Use synonyms
 in 2023, but it still holds the first place among the five sectors.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, household chores, leisure and sports
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 had a slight decrease. At the beginning of the period, they accomplished approximately 3
hours
Use synonyms
 and 4
hours
Use synonyms
, respectively.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, after 23 years, their
hours
Use synonyms
 were reduced to 2.5
hours
Use synonyms
 and 3
hours
Use synonyms
, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand, whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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