IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the reported number of cases of influenza in people over 65 in a certain village in the UK from 1985 to 1995. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Data from the graph Unit: Number of reported influenza cases among people aged over 65. YearNumber of cases 198540 198645 198755 198847 198950 199070 199175 199262 199360 199465 199560

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The graph below shows the reported number of cases of influenza in people over 65 in a certain village in the UK from 1985 to 1995. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Data from the graph Unit: Number of reported influenza cases among people aged over 65. YearNumber of cases 198540 198645 198755 198847 198950 199070 199175 199262 199360 199465 199560
The graph illustrates how many
cases
Use synonyms
 of
influenza
Use synonyms
 have affected
people
Use synonyms
 aged over 65 in a village in the UK between 1985 and 1995.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest number of
people
Use synonyms
 over 65 getting
influenza
Use synonyms
 in the British village is 1991, where it peaks at around 75.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the graph shows a fluctuating trend, where flu
cases
Use synonyms
 among elderly
people
Use synonyms
witness to
Verb problem
show
show examples
 a significant rise between 1985 and 1991,
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
slightly fall in 1993,
merely grown
Wrong verb form
then grow
show examples
 again in 1994 and ultimately decrease again in 1995. In fact, 1985 results as the year with the lowest
influenza
Use synonyms
 rate in
people
Use synonyms
 over 65 in the village, amounting to 40.
Afterward
Change the spelling
Afterwards
show examples
,
instead
Linking Words
, the number of
cases
Use synonyms
 rises for the two following years, standing at over 50 in 1987,
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
then
Linking Words
 slightly
fall
Correct subject-verb agreement
falls
show examples
 to around 48 in 1988. By that year, though, it is possible to witness
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a substantial growth of
influenza
Use synonyms
cases
Use synonyms
 among
people
Use synonyms
 aged over 65, which peaks at around 75 in 1991, to ultimately fall by about 15 in 1993. 1994,
however
Linking Words
, records a slight increase of around 5, which
finally
Linking Words
 falls to 60 in 1995.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words cases, influenza, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: