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Band 4

Nowadays, an increasing number of students choose to study at universities in foreign countries rather than in their home countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad?

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Introduction
Nowadays, it is true that many
students
Use synonyms
 choose higher education in other countries rather than
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 home countries. The main advantage of
this
Linking Words
 trend is that
students
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 develop their skills and broaden their horizons.
However
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, they may face financial
problem
Check wording
problems
show examples
 and discrimination in foreign countries. I personally believe that studying abroad is beneficial because they can experience different cultures and learn about new educational systems.
Body paragraph 1
One major advantage is that
people
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 who choose to
study
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 in another country
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 develop themselves
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 find new
opportunities
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.
This
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 is because
students
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 can improve their skills and increase their chances of working for international companies.
As a result
Linking Words
, their
career
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 prospects may improve.
For example
Linking Words
,
students
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 who graduate
in the
Change preposition
from a
show examples
 famous university
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 have a stronger CV, making them more attractive to potential employers. Another benefit is that
students
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 can make international
friends
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 and build a professional network. In modern society, professional connections
plays an
Correct subject-verb agreement
play a
show examples
 crucial role in
career
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 development
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 they can help
people
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 find job
opportunities
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
studnts
Correct your spelling
students
 who
study
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 abroad
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 may find it easier
work
Verb problem
to find work
show examples
opportunities
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
One major advantage is that
people
Use synonyms
 who choose to
study
Use synonyms
 in another country
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 develop themselves
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 find new
opportunities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
students
Use synonyms
 can improve their skills and increase their chances of working for international companies.
As a result
Linking Words
, their
career
Use synonyms
 prospects may improve.
For example
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who graduate
in the
Change preposition
from a
show examples
 famous university
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 have a stronger CV, making them more attractive to potential employers. Another benefit is that
students
Use synonyms
 can make international
friends
Use synonyms
 and build a professional network. In modern society, professional connections
plays an
Correct subject-verb agreement
play a
show examples
 crucial role in
career
Use synonyms
 development
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 they can help
people
Use synonyms
 find job
opportunities
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
studnts
Correct your spelling
students
 who
study
Use synonyms
 abroad
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 may find it easier
work
Verb problem
to find work
show examples
opportunities
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 abroad allows
students
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 to develop their ability, discover new
opportunities
Use synonyms
 and find international
friends
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.
However
Linking Words
, they may
also
Linking Words
 face financial difficulties and miss their family and
friends
Use synonyms
 sorroundings.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that studying abroad investment in their future.

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Task response
Answer both parts in the body: explain the good sides and the bad sides. At present, the two body parts repeat the same good points, so the bad sides are not fully explained.
Task response
Use one body part for benefits and one body part for problems. For example, explain high costs, missing home, language issues, and unfair treatment with clear reasons.
Task response
Give a clear example for each main point. The example about a famous university is useful, but say how it can help a student get a job.
Coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same body part. The second body part is almost the same as the first one. Replace it with a paragraph about the problems of study in a new country.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Start with a topic sentence, add reasons and an example, then end the paragraph clearly.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show the order of ideas: First, Also, However, For example, As a result, and In conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence is complete and easy to follow. For example, write “they may find work more easily” instead of “they may find it easier work opportunities.”
Task response
The introduction clearly shows the topic and gives your view that study in another country can be good for students.
Task response
You include useful ideas about skills, work, friends, and future job chances.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some clear link words, such as “For example,” “As a result,” and “Therefore.”
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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