IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people feel that government should take a large proportion of people's salaries to pay for necessary public services such as roads and school. Other feel that high taxes are a bad thing. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
The question of how much
tax
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 citizens should pay to fund public
services
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 is widely debated.
While
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 some argue that governments should collect a large share of
income
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 to finance essential infrastructure, others believe that heavy taxation is harmful.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before explaining why I favour a balanced approach.
Body paragraph 1
Critics of high taxes make several reasonable points.
Firstly
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, taking a large proportion of salaries reduces disposable
income
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, which can discourage people from working harder or investing in their own futures.
Moreover
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, high
tax
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 rates may drive skilled professionals and businesses to move to countries with more favourable policies, which ultimately weakens the economy. Governments could
instead
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 rely on alternative revenue sources,
such
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 as natural resources or manufacturing, as many oil-producing nations do, thereby keeping personal
tax
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 rates moderate.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, supporters of high taxation argue that quality public
services
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 require reliable, long-term funding. Roads, schools and hospitals do not generate immediate profit, so private companies are rarely willing to build and maintain them on a large scale.
Consequently
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,
tax
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 revenue from individuals is the most dependable source. Scandinavian countries illustrate
this
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 well
:
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;
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 despite high
tax
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 rates, their citizens enjoy free education, efficient transport and excellent healthcare, and public satisfaction remains high.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion, high taxes are justified only when governments spend the money transparently
and
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, and
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 citizens clearly benefit from it. A moderate
tax
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 system, combined with diversified national
income
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, can provide quality
services
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 without placing an excessive burden on individuals.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 heavy taxation can reduce personal
income
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 and discourage enterprise, it remains an effective way to fund vital
services
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. I believe the best solution is a fair
tax
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 rate supported by other sources of revenue.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your view even stronger, say more clearly what a fair tax system should include, such as lower tax for low paid workers and clear checks on how money is spent.
task response
Your main ideas are well explained. The point about oil rich countries is useful, but it is not true for all countries. Add that this source of money may not last, so tax is still needed in many places.
task response
The examples of roads, schools, hospitals and Scandinavian countries fit the topic well. You could add one short real life effect, for example that good schools can help children from poor homes.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, one side, the other side, your view, and conclusion. Keep this strong shape in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words, such as 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'On the other hand' and 'Consequently', help the reader follow your ideas. Use a few less links in places where the meaning is already clear, so the writing feels more natural.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph stays on one main idea. In the second body paragraph, you could make the link from public services to personal tax a little clearer by saying that these services need money every year.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain why high taxes can be bad, why they can be needed, and what you think.
task response
Your opinion is clear and stays the same: taxes can be needed, but they should be fair and well used.
coherence and cohesion
The opening gives a clear plan, and the final paragraph brings the main points together well.
coherence and cohesion
Ideas move in a clear way, and the examples support the points without taking focus away from the main question.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion of salaries
  • necessary public services
  • infrastructure
  • redistribute wealth
  • wealth gap
  • equitable
  • discourage
  • economic growth
  • innovation
  • tax evasion
  • tax avoidance
  • tax revenue
  • burdensome
  • human capital
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