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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in some countries students pay for them while in some other the government pays for them. Does the adventage that government pays the money outweigh the disadventage ?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, helping
students
Use synonyms
 to pay their education fees based on government programmes is becoming increasingly popular.
This
Linking Words
 shift has sparked debate about whether
such
Linking Words
 free courses
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
 learners. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 decision because it enhances student engagement and leads to better academic performance.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several reasons why
providiong
Correct your spelling
providing
students
Use synonyms
 with the ability to study for free is
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
leaners
Use the right word
learners
show examples
 would adapt more easily to university subjects because they are studying what suits their abilities.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 have the ability to focus on studying rather than
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 to pay everyday's bills.
This
Linking Words
 makes them feel happy at
schools
Check wording
school
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, there is a strong chance that they will achieve their potential because they have ambitions to study and can not pay for studying tuition.
For example
Linking Words
,
Japanese
Add an article
the Japanese
show examples
 authority provides
MEEX
Add an article
the MEEX
show examples
 scholarship for international knowledge seekers
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 aid is for
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 meet universities requirements, it provides education fees and accommodation exception with
monthly
Add an article
a monthly
show examples
 salary.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, another important
adventage
Correct your spelling
advantage
 is that providing
scholarships
Replace the word
scholarship
 programs that
allowing
Wrong verb form
allow
show examples
 high academic programs
prepare
Verb problem
to prepare
show examples
 individuals better for their
futur
Correct your spelling
future
 careers.
This
Linking Words
 means that focusing on areas of innovation helps future graduates build
specialized
Check wording
specialised skills
show examples
 early in life.
This
Linking Words
 helps them choose the right
researches
Replace the word
research
 or create
foundation
Add an article
a foundation
show examples
 later.
For instance
Linking Words
, Harvard
university
Capitalize the proper name
University
show examples
 has
scholarship
Add an article
a scholarship
show examples
 program for
elite
Add an article
the elite
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is a dream for knowledge seekers because
tuition
Add an article
the tuition
show examples
approximately
Verb problem
is approximately
show examples
 three
handrad
Correct your spelling
hundred
 thousand
american
Capitalize the proper name
American
show examples
 dollars.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly believe that authority aid contains numerous
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 for
students
Use synonyms
 to complete their own academic pathway.
This
Linking Words
 approach
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
 their academic performance and lays a solid foundation for their future careers. Given these
benefits
Add a comma
benefits,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 approach is a positive step for education systems

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task response
Answer the full question more clearly. You say the good points are stronger, but you do not explain the bad points of government support. Add one main bad point, such as high tax costs or less money for hospitals and roads, then show why the good points are still greater.
task response
Keep your main idea close to the topic. Explain how government payment helps students who cannot pay, helps more people study, and can help the country in the long term.
task response
Use examples that are clear and correct. The Japan example has useful detail, but explain exactly how it proves your point. Be careful with facts about Harvard, and do not use unclear cost details.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. However, the second main part gives another good point, not the other side of the question. Make one paragraph about bad points and one paragraph about why good points are greater.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one simple plan: main idea, explanation, example, and link back to the question. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “Firstly”, “For example”, “However”, and “Therefore” can help, but make sure the next sentence really matches the link word.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they are too long or have missing words. Write shorter sentences. For example, change “students have the ability to focus on studying rather than work to pay everyday's bills” to “Students can focus on study instead of working to pay their daily bills.”
task response
You give a clear view from the start: you support government help for education. You also give useful ideas about students having more time to study and doing better at school.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion clearly show your main view. Paragraph breaks and words such as “Firstly” and “For example” also help the reader follow your writing.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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