IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

These days, people work in more than one job and often change carrier several times during their life. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this.

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to work more than one
job
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as combining a full-time
job
Use synonyms
 with a part-time one.
In addition
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 change careers several times during their working lives.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 trend.
Body paragraph 1
Some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer having a second
job
Use synonyms
, whether to invest the extra income or to support their families.
For example
Linking Words
, an employee who spends most of their salary on essentials may have nothing left to invest.
Therefore
Linking Words
, working a part-time
job
Use synonyms
 gives the employee additional money to plan for the future.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some individuals are starting to prefer their second
job
Use synonyms
 because it involves less stress or offers a better working environment, and they eventually make it their main career.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some individuals might feel exhausted from working long hours with little time to rest.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, sleep is an important part of an employee’s life, and without enough of it, their performance at both jobs may suffer.
For example
Linking Words
, a worker who finishes a night shift and goes straight to their main
job
Use synonyms
 may struggle to concentrate and make costly mistakes.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who change careers often have to start again at the bottom, with a lower salary and less experience than their new colleagues.
Conclusion
In conclusion, working several jobs or changing careers can provide extra income and lead
people
Use synonyms
 to more satisfying work.
However
Linking Words
, it can
also
Linking Words
 cause exhaustion and set
people
Use synonyms
 back financially when they start again in a new field.
Overall
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should consider their health and long-term goals before taking on extra work.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You answer both parts of the question: the good and bad sides of having more than one job and changing work. To make the answer stronger, give a little more detail about career change. For example, say that it can help people find work they enjoy or learn new skills, but it may also mean less job safety.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and on topic. The first body part mainly talks about a second job, while career change gets less space. Give one clear good point and one clear bad point for each part of the topic, so the answer feels more even.
task response
Your examples are useful and easy to understand. Add one more short example about a person changing careers, such as a teacher who moves into computer work and must take time to learn new skills.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, good sides, bad sides, and ending. Keep this plan, as it makes your ideas easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words, such as “For example”, “Therefore”, “Moreover”, “On the other hand”, and “Furthermore”, help the reader. Do not use too many links in one paragraph; make sure each one shows a clear link between the two ideas.
coherence and cohesion
In the first body part, the move from extra money to changing careers is a little fast. Add a sentence to show the link, such as: “A second job can also help people find a new kind of work that they may later choose as a full-time career.”
coherence and cohesion
The ending gives a fair summary of both sides and adds a useful final view. Make it even closer to the question by naming both working more than one job and changing careers in the final sentence.
task response
You give clear good points, including more money and the chance to move into work with less stress or a better place to work.
task response
You give clear bad points, including tiredness, poor sleep, lower work quality, mistakes, and having to begin again in a new field.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a main idea, an explanation, and an example. This helps the reader understand your points.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly tells the reader that you will discuss both sides, and the ending brings the main ideas together well.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: