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Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of visitors from the USA to Canada in different age groups in 2000 and 2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The charts below show the percentage of visitors from the USA to Canada in different age groups in 2000 and 2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts compare the proportions of
visitors
Use synonyms
 to Canada and the USA across different age groups in 2000 and 2020, a period spanning two decades.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 2000, people aged 35–54 accounted for the largest proportion of
visitors
Use synonyms
 to the two countries.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in
2020
Check wording
2020
show examples
’s
Use synonyms
 there was a slight decline of 15
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
per cent
show examples
, only 35% visited these countries.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the adult
group
Use synonyms
 grew
older
Punctuation problem
older,
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 it offered an increase for people over fifty-five years old to travel more regularly in 2020 than in
2000
Correct your spelling
the 2000s
’s
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the older demographic rose, so did the children.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they still are the lowest
group
Use synonyms
 to visit Canada and the United States,climbing up by two
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
per cent
show examples
 in 2020 having
overall
Linking Words
 12% from a hundred.
However
Linking Words
, their counterparts have gotten up to being the third age
group
Use synonyms
 who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 an ambition to
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
 these countries.Namely, twenty
percents
Replace the word
per cent
 of 25- to 34-year-olds in 2000
’s
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, to the adult
group
Use synonyms
 in 2020
’s
Use synonyms
 they were
outran
Wrong verb form
outrun
show examples
 by teenagers and young adults. All in all, the proportion of
visitors
Use synonyms
 aged 35–54 decreased considerably between 2000 and 2020,
while
Linking Words
 the shares of older
visitors
Use synonyms
 and younger age groups generally increased.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, ’s, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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