IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children’s time outside of school should be filled with scheduled activities such as art and music classes and sports. Others feel that children need free time to play and relax Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays, most old people believe that youth shoud application again after the academy without any breaks. But some of them
also
Linking Words
 have t
Body paragraph 1
houghts
Correct your spelling
thoughts
 that their association should take a bit break after studying and relax at home. I wanna describe my opinion and make some examples of
advantage
Check wording
advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages to the class after the department.
Body paragraph 2
On the one hand, having extra lessons after school can help pupils to
evolve
Verb problem
develop
show examples
 and decide complexly exercises.
For example
Linking Words
, when a household after faculty go to math, they can conceive and be ahead of the curve than others essentially in
this
Linking Words
 area , or if they have extra courses of learning a language, they can cooperate with a company abroad in the future. So, having extra courses
in addition
Linking Words
 can be a reason of success of the youth.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it all depend of youngest one, if they want to apply, they will, and if they do not want to do it, they will not. Certainly, all of students want to rest at home after school, but these days we should only focus on applying to be better than others, especially if they want to win. All group capacity to understand and learn something new. In a sence parents should admit to rest their group, if they do not want to study.
Conclusion
In conclusion, studying is the best decision for all of people , not just for adults, because learning something new can always make you successful. Ultimately, all groups should have extra lessons after the department, and follow their dreams and certainly achieve all of them.

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task response
Write about the exact topic: children’s time after school. Your opening talks about old people, youth, and study after the academy, so the main idea is not clear.
task response
Discuss both sides in a fair way. Explain why planned classes can help children, and why free play and rest are also important for health, joy, and family time.
task response
Give your own view clearly. You say extra lessons are best, but you also say parents should let children rest. State one clear view, such as a mix of some classes and enough free time.
task response
Use examples that fit children after school. For example, a child may enjoy football twice a week, but still need time to play outside with friends.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear paragraph jobs: opening, planned activities, free time, your view, and ending. Each paragraph should have one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main paragraph with a clear first line. For example: “Planned activities can be useful for children.” Then explain the idea and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words correctly: “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, “However”, and “In conclusion”. Make sure the next sentence follows the first idea.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as “group”, “department”, “faculty”, and “apply” when you mean children, school, or take classes. Clear word choice makes your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence meaning and form. For example, write “It depends on the child” and “Some children need time to rest after school.”
task response
You tried to show both views, with one paragraph about extra classes and one about rest.
task response
You gave a useful example about maths and language classes helping in the future.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, two main parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You used some helpful signposts, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • academic curriculum
  • hidden talents
  • instill discipline
  • teamwork
  • time management skills
  • unstructured play
  • fostering creativity
  • stress reduction
  • cognitive and emotional development
  • well-rounded upbringing
  • social interaction
  • personal growth
  • equilibrium
  • beneficial outcomes
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