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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children’s time outside of school should be filled with scheduled activities such as art and music classes and sports. Others feel that children need free time to play and relax Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, most
of
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apply
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old people believe that youth
shoud
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should
study
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 again after
the
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school
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 without any breaks. But some of them
also
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 have thoughts that their
children
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 should take a bit break after
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study
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studying
 and
get
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relax at home. I wanna
discribe
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describe
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 my opinion and make some examples of advantage and disadvantage to
study
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 after
school
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.
Body paragraph 1
In
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On
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 the one hand, having extra lessons after
school
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 can help pupils to evolve and decide complexly exercises.
For
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example
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example,
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 when
children
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 after
school
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 go to
the
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math
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math,
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 they can
concieve
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conceive
 and be ahead of the curve than others essentially in
this
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 area
or
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, or
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 if they have extra courses of learning
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a language
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language
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language,
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 they can cooperate with
company
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a company
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in
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abroad in the future. So, having extra courses
in addition
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 can be
reason
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a reason
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 of success
the
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of the
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 youth.
Body paragraph 2
In
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On
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 the other hand, it all depend of youngest one
,
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;
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 if they want to
study
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, they will, and if they do not want to do
it
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it,
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 they will not. Certainly, all of students want to rest at home after
school
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, but
in
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apply
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these days we should only
study
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 to be better than others
and
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,
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 especially if they want to win. All
children
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 capacity to understand and learn something new. In a sence parents should admit to rest their
children
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, if they do not want to
study
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, studying is the best decision for all of people
not
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, not
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 just for adults, because learning something new
always can
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can always
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 make you successful.
Ultimetaly
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Ultimately
, all
children
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 should have extra lessons after
school
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, and follow their dreams and certainly achieve all of them.

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task response
Answer both views in a clear way. Explain why some parents want more classes and why others want free play and rest. Your essay gives much more space to extra study.
task response
Make your own view clear from the start. You say children should rest if they do not want to study, but the end says all children should have extra lessons. Choose one main view and keep it the same.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, sport can help a child stay well and make friends, while music or math classes can build skills.
task response
Do not change the topic from planned activities to study only. Art, music, sport, play, and rest all need to be part of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: opening, one part for planned activities, one part for free time, and a short ending with your view.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main part with a clear first line. For example: “Planned activities can be good for children.” Then explain one or two reasons and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way: “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, “However”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each part on one idea. The second main part moves between rest, study, and being better than others. Focus on free time and explain why it is useful.
coherence and cohesion
Check that the ending matches the ideas before it. A good ending should repeat your final view without adding a new or opposite idea.
task response
You give a clear benefit of extra classes: children may learn more and prepare for future work.
task response
You try to give your own view, and you mention that children may need rest after school.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, two main parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposts, such as “For example” and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • academic curriculum
  • hidden talents
  • instill discipline
  • teamwork
  • time management skills
  • unstructured play
  • fostering creativity
  • stress reduction
  • cognitive and emotional development
  • well-rounded upbringing
  • social interaction
  • personal growth
  • equilibrium
  • beneficial outcomes
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