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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph provides
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
key information about the
number
Use synonyms
 of
employment
Replace the word
employees
 in different
type
Check wording
types
show examples
 of
sectors
Use synonyms
 in the US from 1960 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that
manufacturing
Add an article
the manufacturing
show examples
 sector had
nemuros
Correct your spelling
fewer
jobs
Use synonyms
 among the other
sectors
Use synonyms
. In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
, Retail and Healthcare
soctors
Correct your spelling
sectors
 both had a gradual increase,
whereas
Linking Words
 Agriculture had a decline in its figure.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown,
Manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
 industry started
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 15
Use synonyms
millions
Check wording
million
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
 and rose to 20
Use synonyms
millions
Check wording
million
show examples
 during 1980 reocording the highest
number
Use synonyms
among
Change preposition
during
show examples
this
Linking Words
 period of time
, after
Punctuation problem
. After
show examples
 that year
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 trend
showd
Correct your spelling
showed
 a sharp decline until the end
by
Change preposition
,
show examples
 reaching approximately 13
Use synonyms
millions
Check wording
million
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
. Unlike the Agriculture sector
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 had the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
jobs
Use synonyms
 among the
sectors
Use synonyms
, starting
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
 around 6
Use synonyms
millions
Check wording
million
show examples
 and
continued
Wrong verb form
continuing
show examples
 to decrease and ended by around 2.5
Use synonyms
millions
Check wording
million
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
. In terms of
Retail
Add an article
the Retail
show examples
 and Healthcare
sectors
Use synonyms
, they started by around 2 and 6
Use synonyms
millions
Check wording
million
show examples
 respectively.
they
Capitalize the word
They
show examples
 both had a significant growth in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
jobs
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they all ended by equal
number
Use synonyms
 of jobes just above 15
Use synonyms
millions
Check wording
million
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, sectors, jobs, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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