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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people prefer to live in hot climate while others love to live in countries with cold weather discuss both views and give your opinion

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In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 prefer
hot
Add an article
a hot
show examples
 climate because of its advantages.First advantage is that it will not be hard to know what
Use synonyms
weather
Add an article
the weather
show examples
 will be tomorrow
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the second is that you will not have temperature,cold and other illnesses
that
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 often.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 more wonderful thing about
hot
Add an article
the hot
show examples
season
Use synonyms
 is that you do not need to buy expensive coats,boots,
warm
Correct word choice
and warm
show examples
 socks for cold
weather
Use synonyms
 because the
weather
Use synonyms
 is always more than 10 degrees hot.Even though
people
Use synonyms
 prefer
more
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 summer
season
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
more than
show examples
winter
Add an article
the winter
show examples
,some groups find cold
weather
Use synonyms
 better and more attractive.These
volks
Correct your spelling
folks
 enjoy snowy
weather
Use synonyms
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 when in
winter
Add an article
the winter
show examples
Use synonyms
season
Punctuation problem
season,
show examples
 there
a
Verb problem
is a
show examples
lot of snow and the roads are frozen.
One
Use synonyms
 more addition to answer "why
people
Use synonyms
 prefer cold
weather
Use synonyms
" is that annual families celebrate
christmas
Capitalize the proper name
Christmas
show examples
 and
new year
Capitalize the proper name
New Year
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are celebrated only in December
because
Punctuation problem
, because
show examples
 of
frigid
Add an article
the frigid
show examples
season
Use synonyms
 that gives
special
Add an article
a special
show examples
 vibe to it.There are a lot of traditions on these holidays like giving each other presents,
share
Wrong verb form
sharing
show examples
 happiness togther and probably go into cathedral these days.For some groups to meet and celebrate
toghter
Correct your spelling
together
 these holidays are not
avaible
Correct your spelling
available
 because of their
religions
Use synonyms
where
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 are
these days contain as
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
 haram or bad thing which is not approved by
a
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 god
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
in who
Correct pronoun usage
whom
show examples
 they
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 and pray
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
.So they can
celebratre
Correct your spelling
celebrate
 only
one
Use synonyms
 holiday
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is called Eid Mubarak
,all
Punctuation problem
. All
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who inhabit
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Muslim countries celebrate and never skip because
this
Linking Words
 day means them
very much
Rephrase
apply
show examples
and is crucial.Other
religions
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 do not admit it
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 some
religions
Use synonyms
 like
buddism
Correct your spelling
Buddhism
 allow it because its rules are different from other
Use synonyms
religions
Check wording
religions'
show examples
 rules.
All
Correct determiner usage
The entire
show examples
 population of
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 believe in not
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 religion but
pray
Correct subject-verb agreement
prays
show examples
 for only
one
Use synonyms
 god just with another appereance and special rules.

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Task response
You discuss both hot and cold places, and you give your view at the start. However, your main view needs to be clearer and stronger. Add a short end part that says why hot weather is better for you overall.
Task response
Keep your ideas close to the question. The long part about religion moves away from weather. Focus more on daily life in hot and cold places, such as work, travel, food, sport, health, and cost.
Task response
Give one clear example for each side. For hot weather, you could write about going outside or saving money on warm clothes. For cold weather, you could write about snow sports or enjoying winter holidays.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: first, say what the essay will discuss and give your view; next, explain hot weather; then, explain cold weather; finally, repeat your view in a short end part.
Coherence and cohesion
Start new ideas in new paragraphs. The last part has many ideas about Christmas, Eid, and other religions in one long block, so it is hard to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show the path of your ideas: 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'. Do not use too many ideas in one sentence.
Coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence links to the one before it. For example, after talking about snow and frozen roads, explain why this makes cold weather good for some people.
Task response
You answer both parts of the question by giving reasons why some people like hot weather and why others like cold weather.
Task response
You give a clear personal view at the start: you prefer hot weather.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful contrast words, such as 'Even though', to move from hot weather to cold weather.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear change from the hot-weather side to the cold-weather side, which helps the reader see both views.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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