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Band 4.5

It is important to give children the chance to act independently and make their own decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

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Introduction
There is a commonly held belief that it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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crucial for a
child
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 to make their own
decisions
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 in early
age
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. I believe it is beneficial
to
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for
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 developing their
personality
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. So I totally agree.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
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, if a kid made their own
decisions
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 in very young
age
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, it can develop their
personality
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 in several ways.
Firstly
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, the
child
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 might be confident
from doing
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in making
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 his
decisions
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because of expressing their own
personality
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 by choosing his preference, even if it is a small decision to make.
For example
Linking Words
, many people grow up confident just because doing small
decisions
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 in their childhood
like
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, like
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 choosing the outfit of the day.
Secondly
Linking Words
, making their
decisions
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 from
early
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an early
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age
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 might make them more
braver
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brave
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 than the children who do not.
In other words
Linking Words
, in the future they will experience new adventures, or ups and downs
so
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, so
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 learning from
early
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an early
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age
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 will help them to select the right ones when they grow up.
For instance
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, some people
they
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apply
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used to depend on their parents when they were young
and
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, and
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 now they cannot do anything or select any decision without asking for help.
Body paragraph 2
Another point to consider
,
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apply
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 is
it
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the
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 dangers
to let
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of letting
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 the
child
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to chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 their own choices in early
age
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. Because they are children and they do not know if it is a good choice for them or
bad
Rephrase
not
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.
For example
Linking Words
, some families let their
child
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to chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 anything and they
ending
Wrong verb form
end
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 up with problems or harmful things for their health or future.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I think making
decisions
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 from
early
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an early
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age
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 for a
child
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is
Verb problem
plays
show examples
 a vital role in improving their
personality
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main view clear in the first paragraph and keep the same view in every body paragraph. You say you fully agree, but the second body paragraph gives a strong point against the idea without saying why adults can still keep children safe.
task response
Explain your ideas more fully. For example, say how small choices can help a child feel sure of themselves, learn from mistakes, and take care of daily tasks later in life.
task response
Use more direct examples. Instead of saying that many people become confident, give one clear case, such as a child choosing clothes, a hobby, or the order of homework with help from a parent.
task response
For the danger point, add a clear limit: children can make small, safe choices, while parents should make choices about health, money, and safety. This will make your answer more balanced and strong.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction, one paragraph about confidence, one paragraph about learning to act alone, and a conclusion. If you include a problem, link it to your main view with a line such as: 'However, parents should guide children with big choices.'
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Some sentences now repeat the idea of making choices, but do not always show the link to personality or later life.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words more carefully: 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', and 'Therefore'. Do not use 'Initially' unless you will later use a second step in the same list.
coherence and cohesion
Keep pronouns the same. You move between 'a child', 'the child', 'his', and 'their'. Choose one form, such as 'children' and 'they', through the essay.
task response
You give a clear view in the introduction: children should have chances to make decisions from a young age.
task response
You use examples about choosing clothes and depending too much on parents. These examples are linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'For example', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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