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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this develoment outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
In
modern
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the modern
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 era, it is obvious that many individuals are relocating from
counrtysides
Correct your spelling
rural areas
 to urban
areas
Use synonyms
 in pursuit of greater education and better employment opportunities. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to explore the reasons behind
this
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 practice
,
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apply
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 and evaluate the merits and demerits.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, technology
is
Wrong verb form
has
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 significantly accelerated in modern life and reflects directly and positively on
cities
Use synonyms
, which
Use synonyms
cities
Check wording
apply
show examples
have
became
Wrong verb form
become
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 developed
after
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this
Linking Words
 reflection, and many job opportunities and evolved colleges have arisen after the phenomenon. An opposite with rural
areas
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,
which
Correct pronoun usage
where
show examples
 these
kind
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kinds
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 of services are
lacked
Wrong verb form
lacking,
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 and many individuals
are migrated
Wrong verb form
migrate
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 from their
hometown
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hometowns
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 in pursuit
to
Change preposition
of
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 the services that capitals offered.
Thus
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, young people are moving from countrysides to
cities
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 in order to get a better job or study
in
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at
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 a particular university.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, moving from rural
areas
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 to urban
areas
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 plays a vital role in the life of youth, as we can infer that when people
exposed
Verb problem
are exposed
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 to
devirse
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diverse
individuals
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individuals'
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 backgrounds and study at advanced universities, they would gain essential skills,
such
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 as critical thinking, problem solving, and
technical
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a technical
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 background about their work or major, which might lead to their hometown and family beneficially.
Therefore
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, studying or working
out of
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in
show examples
 the
countrysides
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countryside
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,
specefically
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specifically
 in big
cities
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, is important to do
due to
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 the experience they will gain afterwards.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
exposuring
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exposure
 to different cultural backgrounds and learning how to interact with developed technology is essential for young people, and helps them
more to be
Correct word order
become more
show examples
 educated from
this
Linking Words
 learning journey or modern working life.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. Give clear reasons for moving, then state if the good points are greater than the bad points.
task response
Your main reason is clear: cities have more jobs and better schools. Add one more reason, such as better pay, health care, or a wider choice of work.
task response
You mainly write about the good side. Add clear bad points, such as high rent, traffic, stress, crowded homes, and fewer young people left in the countryside.
task response
Make your own view clear. For example: “I believe the good points are greater than the bad points because young people can get skills and better pay.”
task response
Use real, simple examples. For instance, a young person may leave a small town because there is no college nearby, then get work in a city and send money home.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, body parts, and an ending. However, the second body part should first discuss the bad side before you give your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: opening; reasons for moving; good and bad points; ending with your view.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body paragraph can explain jobs and study. The next can compare the good and bad results.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hard to follow. Write shorter sentences. For example: “Cities have more jobs. They also have better colleges. For this reason, many young people move there.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully: “First,” “Also,” “However,” “For example,” and “In conclusion.” Do not use “On the other hand” unless you are giving a clear opposite point.
task response
You clearly identify two key reasons for moving: better study and better work.
task response
You include useful good points, such as meeting people from different places and learning work skills.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening and a closing paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You try to connect ideas with words such as “Thus,” “Therefore,” and “On the other hand.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rural areas
  • Urban migration
  • Educational opportunities
  • Employment prospects
  • Cultural amenities
  • Career aspirations
  • Workforce depletion
  • Economic impact
  • Personal growth
  • Diverse job market
  • Traditional communities
  • Social dynamics
  • Exposure to different cultures
  • Vibrant cultural life
  • Shrinking workforce
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