IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is argued by some that the foremost environmental issue facing the world today is the disappearance of certain plant and animal species. Others contend that there are environmental issues of far greater significance. Discuss both perspectives and provide your own opinion

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
It is controversial that most of the environmental problems the world is going through currently
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the extinction of
certian
Correct your spelling
certain
 plant and animal species. Others believe that there are other environmental issues with higher significance.
While
Linking Words
 the disappearance of some
animals
Use synonyms
 and
plants
Use synonyms
 is of great
importance
Punctuation problem
importance,
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 there is a problem with
far
Add an article
a far
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 more complication which is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global warming. In my opinion ,
the
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apply
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global warming is affecting the planet and the ecosystem
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 causes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 and
plants
Use synonyms
disappearing
Wrong verb form
to disappear
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.
Body paragraph 1
I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global warming is actually a factor
of
Change preposition
in
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 the disappearance of both
animals
Use synonyms
 and plants1 with the melting of snow
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 high temperature
and
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, and
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 the extinction of polar bears and some
plants
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 that only grow in
low temperature
Correct your spelling
low-temperature
 weather
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 the disappearance of
plants
Use synonyms
 the
medication
Replace the word
medicinal
 field has
bacome
Correct your spelling
become
 narrow
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is difficult for
scientests
Correct your spelling
scientists
 to attain similar
plants
Use synonyms
 with the same effectiveness as
for
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apply
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those which disappeared .
Body paragraph 2
The global warming doesn't just affect
plants
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 and
animals
Use synonyms
 it
also
Linking Words
 affects humans many death have been accounted
due to
Linking Words
 rising temperature in cold countries where people used to live in cold weather most of the year ,there is
also
Linking Words
 the problem with the difficulties the polar bears and
animals
Use synonyms
 that can only live in cold weathers go through with each year
this
Linking Words
 issue seem to worsen and with the sudden explosion of artificial intelegance and the amount of water consumption it doesn't seem to get better any time soon.
Conclusion
In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 the
disappearing
Replace the word
disappearance
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 and
plants
Use synonyms
 is an outcome of a greater issue
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming .

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Task response
Discuss both views in a more even way. You explain global warming well, but you do not fully explain why some people see the loss of plants and animals as the main problem.
Task response
Make your own view clear in the first paragraph and support it with two clear reasons. For example, say that global warming is the bigger problem because it leads to heat, sea rise, and the loss of many kinds of life.
Task response
Use more real and clear examples. The example of polar bears is useful, but add an example of how lost plants or animals can harm food, water, or human health.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, one paragraph for the first view, one paragraph for the other view and your view, then a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main idea. The second body paragraph moves from heat and people to polar bears and then AI water use. The point about AI is not well linked to the main idea, so remove it or explain the link clearly.
Coherence and cohesion
Use short sentences and clear linking words, such as “First”, “However”, “For example”, and “As a result”. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Check sentence breaks and full stops. Several long parts join many ideas without clear stops, which makes the meaning hard to follow.
Task response
You give a clear opinion: global warming is a wider problem and can cause the loss of plants and animals.
Task response
You use a relevant example about melting snow and polar bears to support your main point.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can see the main shape of your answer.
Coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to your main view and gives the essay a clear ending.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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