IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people prefer to live in hot climate while others love to live in countries with cold weather discuss both views and give your opinion

3.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Many
people
Use synonyms
 like to live in
places
Use synonyms
 with high temperatures,
while
Linking Words
 others prefer
colder
Add an article
a colder
show examples
climate
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer summer activities and
dry
Add an article
a dry
show examples
climate
Use synonyms
, others enjoy winter activities like ice skating and
snowy
Add an article
a snowy
show examples
 environment.
Body paragraph 1
To start with, some
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy the hot climatic
places
Use synonyms
 for it's beatiful green landscapes and colourful trees. It creates an
approriate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 condition for flowers to bloom and farming.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there
numerous
Verb problem
are numerous
show examples
 outdoor activities which could be planned
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can visit scenic
places
Use synonyms
 like waterfalls. Warm weather
also
Linking Words
 improves
people
Use synonyms
's mood and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 daily life more relaxed.
Also
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 who have respiratory issues in cold temperatures prefer
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 kind of
Use synonyms
places
Check wording
place
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, almost all the games are played in
such
Linking Words
 climates
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 even farmers prefer
warm
Add an article
a warm
show examples
climate
Use synonyms
 for cultivation.
Body paragraph 2
On the contrary
Linking Words
, others prefer
cold
Add an article
a cold
show examples
climate
Use synonyms
 due
it's
Change preposition
to its
show examples
 cool and
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
show examples
environment
Punctuation problem
environment,
show examples
 where there is less sweating and less exhaustion comparatively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who prefer winter sports
such
Linking Words
 as skiing, snowboarding and ice skating. Cold
Use synonyms
climate
Check wording
climates
show examples
 are
also
Linking Words
 preferred for
it's
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 snowy landscapes and a clear change between seasons.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
show examples
 hot
climate
Use synonyms
 can cause heat stress and dehydration, cold temperature can induce respiratory illness and can be a discomfort for elderly
people
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, a mild and moderate
climate
Use synonyms
 with warm summers and manageable winters is the best choice for
best
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
comfort without extreme weather.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Discuss both sides in the same depth. The warm side has more points than the cold side, so add more detail about why cold places suit some people.
task response
Make your own view clear earlier and support it with a reason. For example, say why a mild place is better for work, health, and daily life.
task response
Use more clear, real examples. Instead of saying that almost all games are played in warm places, name a sport or activity and explain why the weather helps.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Keep one main idea in each paragraph and explain it before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'To start with', 'Additionally', and 'On the contrary' help, but some ideas still feel like a list. Add short links that show cause and result, such as 'This means that' or 'As a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph flow better by grouping close ideas. For example, put nature, farming, and outdoor trips together in the warm-weather paragraph; put comfort, snow views, and winter sports together in the cold-weather paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear links such as 'For example, almost all the games are played in such climates'. It is not clear what games you mean or how this supports the point.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain why people like hot places, why others like cold places, and you give your own view.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic, such as outdoor life in warm weather and winter sports in cold weather.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an opening, a paragraph for each view, and a final paragraph with your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts, including 'To start with', 'On the contrary', and 'In conclusion', to guide the reader.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • hot climate
  • cold weather
  • warm temperatures
  • freezing conditions
  • mild climate
  • extreme weather
  • year-round sunshine
  • outdoor lifestyle
  • winter sports
  • snow-covered landscapes
  • seasonal changes
  • heating costs
  • air conditioning
  • heat-related illness
  • dehydration
  • comfortable temperature
  • daily routine
  • quality of life
What to do next:
Look at other essays: