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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to motivate employees is to increase their salaries. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Are there any other ways to encourage employess to work more efficiently?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Currently, it is very common that after a period of time
people
Use synonyms
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 tired of doing
its job's
Fix the agreement mistake
their jobs
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, some studies suggested that a rise in incomes
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
necesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to encourage
people
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 there are
another
Correct determiner usage
other
show examples
 ways
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
Bonus
Check wording
bonuses
show examples
 and trips, I believe that an increase in the base salary has a stronger reaction
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 workers
life
Use synonyms
's.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, based on the current economy, having good
finantial
Correct your spelling
financial
 support is harder and harder.
For instance
Linking Words
, if an employee obtained a
gradually
Replace the word
gradual
 increase in
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 payment,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact of becoming more efficient, he will be extra
encourage
Replace the word
encouraged
 to continue improving it because he already
known
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 that it positive affects its
life
Use synonyms
 quality.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
professionals
Check wording
professionals'
show examples
 careers are long-term, and have multiple steps before becoming the top of the pyramid. For that reason, some
people
Use synonyms
 feel
frustated
Correct word choice
frustrated
show examples
 when they do not
obtained
Wrong verb form
obtain
show examples
 their goal in
a short-term
Correct determiner usage
the short term
show examples
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
in
this
Linking Words
 case, an income increment can reduce
frustation
Correct your spelling
frustration
 and improve productivity.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 other options
such
Linking Words
 as
bonus
Check wording
bonuses
show examples
 or trips are usually implemented, these are directly related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 money, and it has a shorter impact in professionals
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if a company developed a competition, they would have to think about the prize, and depending on it, the workers could be more or less
interest
Replace the word
interested
 in
participate
Wrong verb form
participating
show examples
.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, the campaign won't have the same impact
that
Change preposition
as
show examples
 an increase in their salary.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
, rising motivation in
workers
Check wording
workers' lives
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 is really important for productivity.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
bonus
Check wording
bonuses
show examples
 and trips are significant ways to encourage
people
Use synonyms
, the
mos
Correct your spelling
most
 effective option is
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 grow
it
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 base salary.
Also
Linking Words
, it is suggested that a combination of both could be periodically included in the company's plan.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You clearly say that higher pay is best, but give more detail about other ways to help staff work well, such as praise, training, more free time, clear goals, and a good work place.
task response
Make your main idea more exact. Explain why a higher base pay may work better than a bonus or a trip over a long time. Also say that money may not help every worker in the same way.
task response
Use examples that show a clear result. For example, describe a worker who gets more pay after doing good work for several months, and explain how this helps both the worker and the company.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Make each main part begin with one simple point, then add an example, then explain the result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words such as “Firstly”, “Additionally”, “For example”, and “As a result” are useful, but make sure the sentence after each one clearly follows the last idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the words are not in a clear order. Keep sentences short and direct. For example: “A rise in base pay can help workers feel safe and work harder over time.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. Use “employees” or “workers” through the essay, rather than changing often. Also use “salary increase” instead of “increase in its payment” or “grow it base salary.”
task response
You give a clear view: a rise in base salary is more helpful than a bonus or a trip.
task response
You address both parts of the question by discussing higher pay and other ways, such as bonuses and trips.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main parts, and a final paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signpost words, such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “For example”, and “Overall”, to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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