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Band 4.5

Discuss the implications of the growing influence of artificial intelligence on the education system in 2023. Consider the potential advantages and disadvantages, and provide examples or evidence to support your points.

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Introduction
Nowadays, there is no denying the fact that the AI revolution has begin on the education system.
This
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 essay will analyse the advantages and disadvantages, and provide examples or evidence to support both points of view.
Body paragraph 1
On
one
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the one
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 hand, the benefit of artificial intelligence is that it has been a part of education systems.
Firstly
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,
students
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 currently consider that AI
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
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 a partner in their educational path.
In other words
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, it can help
students
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 from various sides ,
such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 mathematics, physics, and chemistry, by providing them with more useful information in a short time.
In addition
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, people believe that AI may develop their hard, soft, and communication skills.
As a result
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 of that, members appreciate it.
For example
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, the ChatGPT platform, in 2022, won an award because it was the most beneficial website for
students
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
this
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 trend could make
students
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 graduate with less
overall
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 knowledge. It is possible to say that it will make them stop thinking and trying in their educational journey.
Moreover
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, less data protection may lead to a violation of privacy. In many cases,
such
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 as forgetting passwords, People have lost their digital information.
For instance
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, in 2023, one of the largest companies had a violation of privacy and it affected their database.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are many advantages of the growing influence of artificial intelligence on the education system.
Whereas
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, it is
also
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 true that there are a lot of disadvantages that may be causes a various threats.

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task response
Answer all parts of the question in a more direct way. Explain how AI may change learning, teaching, tests, and school work, not only students’ work.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and result. For example, AI can give fast help, but students may copy answers and learn less if they do not check or think about them.
task response
Use real and clear examples. The claim that ChatGPT won an award is not explained and may not be true. Instead, say how a student can use it to practise writing or get help with a maths step.
task response
Make the ending match the body. State both the good and bad sides, then give your own final view about how schools should use AI.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear two-side plan: good points, bad points, then an ending. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph focus on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use links more carefully. Phrases such as “On one hand”, “Firstly”, “In addition”, and “For example” are useful, but the ideas after them must connect closely.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as “it”, “this trend”, “members”, and “people” when the reader may not know who or what you mean. Name the subject again: “AI tools”, “students”, “schools”, or “teachers”.
coherence and cohesion
Make your examples fit the point before them. The password example is about account safety, but you need to show more clearly how AI use in schools can put student data at risk.
task response
You discuss both good and bad effects of AI, including fast help for students and risks to learning and privacy.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader that the essay will look at both sides, and the body follows this order.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and basic linking words to guide the reader through your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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