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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed

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Introduction
Knowdays an increasingly large number of
society
Check wording
people
show examples
 choose to freelance rather than
working
Wrong verb form
work
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 for an entity or a corporation. It is understandable
due to
Linking Words
 the
cut back
Correct your spelling
cutback
 on salaries each year and the retirement age going up, individuals who opt to open their own businesses should consider the circumstances they might encounter in the future .
Body paragraph 1
New graduates get introduced to the working field each year with the increasing numbers of these graduates the work environment can't contain all of these individuals especially with the older workers refusing to give up their places and they can't be blamed either if they chose to give up they will not be receving a retirement salary a research have been conducted on 100 companies it shows that 52% of the workers are seniors of the community who refuse to give up on their places .
Body paragraph 2
Taking the risk of not getting a stable Job is a difficult move and it mostly results in failing people don't realize the fierce competition in the workplace environment , the expenses of opening a private business is huge, some poeple borrow money and end up in debt eventually, even if the business succeeds one mistake could cost everything
for example
Linking Words
; if a girl decides to open up a bakery a single strand of hair can cause a scandal and terminate the whole project.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
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 should solve the salary
cut backs
Correct your spelling
cutbacks
 and lower the retirement age
, people
Punctuation problem
. People
show examples
 who think of working for themselves should consider the risks associated with the job

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Give two clear reasons why people work for themselves, then explain two or more problems. Your first main part is mostly about jobs for new people, but it does not clearly explain why this makes people choose self-work.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear. For example, say that people may want more money, more control of their time, or no boss. Then explain why each point matters.
task response
Use examples that are easy to believe and explain them well. The bakery example shows risk, but explain how one small problem may lead to lost trust, lost sales, and debt.
task response
Be careful with facts such as the study of 100 companies and 52% older workers. If you use a fact, make sure it is clear and closely linked to your point. You can also use a simple general example instead.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, reasons, problems, and conclusion. Each body part should start with one main idea and then give an explanation and example.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and join many ideas without clear stops. Split them into shorter sentences. This will make your meaning much easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words clearly: 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', and 'As a result'. Do not put too many different ideas in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the focus on self-work. The points about pay cuts and old workers need a clearer link to the choice to start a business or freelance.
task response
You address both the reasons for self-work and the possible problems, including unstable work, high costs, debt, and strong competition.
task response
The bakery example is relevant because it shows that a small mistake can harm a new business.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion, so the reader can see the overall plan.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as 'rather than', 'for example', and 'In conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employment
  • freelancing
  • entrepreneurship
  • autonomy
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • financial insecurity
  • lack of support
  • resources
  • long working hours
  • uncertain income
  • job security
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