IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

5.5 / 9
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Introduction
Presently
Punctuation problem
Presently,
show examples
 a large segment of the population
choose
Correct subject-verb agreement
chooses
show examples
 to freelance rather than
To
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work for an entity or a corporation. It is understandable
due to
Linking Words
 the reduction of salaries each year and the retirement age going up, individuals who opt to open their own businesses should consider the circumstances they might encounter in the future .
Body paragraph 1
New graduates get introduced to the working field each year with the increasing numbers of these graduates the work environment can't contain all of these individuals especially with the older workers refusing to give up their places and they can't be blamed either if they chose to give up they will not be receving a retirement salary a research have been conducted on 100 companies it shows that 52% of the workers are seniors of the community who refuse to give up on their places .
Body paragraph 2
Taking the risk of not getting a stable Job is a difficult move and it mostly results in failing people don't realize the fierce competition in the workplace environment , the expenses of opening a private business is huge, some poeple borrow money and end up in debt eventually, even if the business succeeds one mistake could cost everything
for example
Linking Words
; if a girl decides to open up a bakery a single strand of hair can cause a scandal and terminate the whole project.
Conclusion
In conclusion, organisations should solve the salary cutbacks and lower the retirement age. People who think of working for themselves should consider the risks associated with the job

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain more clearly why people want to work for themselves, such as having more control, choosing their own hours, or not finding company work. Then explain the bad sides in a separate main paragraph.
task response
Some ideas do not directly answer the question. The points about pay cuts and older workers need a clearer link to self-employment. Focus on the reasons people choose this work and the problems they may face.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and result. For example, say that starting a business may cost a lot because rent, tools, and staff must be paid before the business makes money.
task response
Your bakery example is clear, but make it more realistic. A food safety problem may harm a business, but it may not always end the whole business at once. Explain how it can cause customers to stop coming.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, reasons for self-employment, disadvantages, and conclusion. This will make your answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. For example: “One reason is that it can be hard to find company work.” Then give an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Break up very long sentences. Several sentences contain many ideas without full stops, so the meaning is hard to follow. Use shorter sentences and link them with words such as “because”, “however”, “also”, and “therefore”.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. “For example” should introduce a real example, while “however” should show a clear opposite idea. Do not join full sentences with only a comma.
task response
You address both the reasons for self-employment and its possible problems.
task response
You use a specific business example, which helps show the risk of running a business.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph gives a clear ending and returns to the main topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employment
  • freelancing
  • entrepreneurship
  • autonomy
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • financial insecurity
  • lack of support
  • resources
  • long working hours
  • uncertain income
  • job security
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