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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Directors of organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others are of the opinion that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

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Introduction
As society evolves, there has been an ongoing debate regarding whether the directors of an
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
 earn much higher
salaries
Use synonyms
 than ordinary employees do. A group of individuals believes that it is necessary.
Conversely
Linking Words
, others argue that it is unfair.
Therefore
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, ahead of my opinion, both views will be discussed
further
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, managers deserve higher
salaries
Use synonyms
 because they bear greater
responsibilies
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 and face considerable pressure. They are required to make strategic decisions that can significantly affect the success or failure of a business.
Furthermore
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, offering competitive
salaries
Use synonyms
 enables companies to attract and retain talented leaders who can improve business performance and promote long-term growth.
For example
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, the leaders can promote efficient productivity and
affort
Use the right word
afford
show examples
 better work and other basic needs.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
excesstively
Correct your spelling
excessively
 large salary gaps can be considered unfair because regular staff
also
Linking Words
 make a significant contribution to an essential role in an
employers’
Check wording
employer’s
show examples
 success.
Although
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 they may not make major strategic decisions, their daily
efforst
Correct your spelling
efforts
 help maintain operations and generate revenue.
In addition
Linking Words
, if workers receive relatively low wages
while
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 managers earn enormous
salaries
Use synonyms
, it can lead them to feel undervalued, which can reduce their motivation and lead to higher staff turnover.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are various perspectives and arguments regarding the exchange rate difference between directors and regular staff.
However
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,
while
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 managers are instrumental in a
crurial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 role in the progress and success of a company, ordinary employees
also
Linking Words
 play an essential role in an
organiztion's
Correct your spelling
organisation's
 growth.

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task response
You discuss both sides clearly, but your own view is not clear enough. State what you think in the first part and again in the end. For example, say that higher pay is fair only when the gap is not too large.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Explain why a leader’s choices matter, and explain how low pay can hurt workers and the company.
task response
Your example is too general and hard to understand: “leaders can promote efficient productivity and affort better work.” Use one clear example, such as a director making a plan that saves jobs or helps the company grow.
task response
The final paragraph does not give a clear answer to the question. It repeats that both groups are important, but it should say whether large pay differences are needed or unfair.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. Keep this shape, but make the opening more direct and shorter.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are linked well with “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “In addition.” However, the link “Therefore, ahead of my opinion” is not natural. Write: “This essay will discuss both views and give my opinion.”
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay focused on one main point. In the first body paragraph, the final example does not clearly support the point about directors’ pay.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear words for the topic. “Exchange rate difference” is not about pay. Use “pay gap” or “difference in salaries” instead.
task response
You cover both views: directors have more duty and pressure, while workers make the daily work possible.
coherence and cohesion
Your body paragraphs are in a logical order, and the reader can easily see the two different views.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “Furthermore,” “Although,” and “In addition.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • compensation
  • responsibility
  • accountability
  • specialized skills
  • investment
  • income disparity
  • undervalued
  • demotivated
  • excessive compensation
  • misallocation of resources
  • pay ratio
  • motivated workforce
  • financial success
  • performance
  • contribute
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