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Writing Samples
Band 9

Some people think that the responsibility for dealing with global environmental damage lies with governments and large companies, rather than with individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Climate change, polluted oceans and vanishing forests are problems so vast that one person's recycling can seem pointless beside them.
While
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 I accept that governments and corporations hold by far the greatest power to repair the damage, I only partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, because they rarely act unless ordinary citizens first demand it through their votes and their spending.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, the scale of the crisis puts most solutions beyond any individual's reach. The most important measures,
such
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 as closing coal plants, banning harmful chemicals or protecting rainforests, require laws that only the state can pass and budgets that only the state can fund. Morocco's vast solar complex near Ouarzazate,
for instance
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, exists because the government committed public land and money on a scale no community could match. Closely linked to
this
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 is the role of major firms, since a handful of oil, shipping and mining companies produce more pollution than entire nations, so a single change in their practices outweighs millions of household decisions.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, treating citizens as powerless misunderstands how progress actually happens. The most obvious point is that consumers shape what companies produce. When shoppers in Casablanca began refusing plastic bags at the market, retailers switched to cloth alternatives, and the national ban that followed merely confirmed a shift that customers had already started.
Moreover
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, politicians act on green issues largely because voters insist on it. No minister introduces an unpopular carbon tax unless the public has shown that it cares, so the pressure of concerned households is what turns good intentions into law. The two roles are
therefore
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 inseparable. Institutions hold the tools, but people supply the will to use them.
Conclusion
In conclusion, governments and large companies command the resources needed to tackle environmental damage, yet they use them only when individuals demand it and change their own habits first. Responsibility is shared, and neither side can succeed without the other.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start: you partly agree. Keep this clear view in every main part, as you do here.
task response
The main ideas are fully explained: governments and big firms have the power, while people can push them to act. To make the answer even stronger, you could add one short line about cases where people cannot easily change their buying choices.
task response
Your examples fit your points well. Make sure that every example is fully true and easy to check, especially the point about shoppers and plastic bags.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a very clear shape: opening, one part for governments and firms, one part for people, and a closing view. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your links between ideas work very well, such as “Admittedly”, “Nevertheless”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion”. Keep using them with care, but do not add too many in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph stays on one main idea and then gives reasons and an example. This is strong. You could make the first line of the second main paragraph even more direct by naming both voters and buyers at once.
task response
You answer the full question and give a balanced but firm view. The line “Institutions hold the tools, but people supply the will to use them” clearly sums up your main position.
task response
The reasons are strong and well chosen. You explain why laws, money, and large firms matter, then show how people can affect votes and what firms sell.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a natural order, from the large scale of the problem to the role of people.
coherence and cohesion
The ending directly returns to the question and restates your view without adding a new idea.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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