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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram below shows the process of using water to produce electricity. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The diagram below shows the process of using water to produce electricity. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The
daigram
Correct your spelling
diagram
 illustrates the
process
Use synonyms
 of using
water
Use synonyms
 to produce
electricity
Use synonyms
, showing the different stages involved in the
process
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it highlights the step-by-step transformation involved from the initial phase to the final outcome.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
process
Use synonyms
 consists of nine main stages, beginning with converting the
sea
Correct your spelling
seawater
water
Use synonyms
 to clouds and ending with transforming the
electricity
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the facilities. It is a cyclical
process
Use synonyms
, in which the
electricity
Use synonyms
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
show examples
 through several stages before the
electricity
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 ready to
used
Verb problem
be used
show examples
.
At the first stage
Linking Words
 in the
process
Use synonyms
, sea
water
Use synonyms
 is heated by the sun, causing it to evaporate into the
atmosphare
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
 to form clouds.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the clouds condense and fall as rain. After that, the
rain
Correct your spelling
rainwater
water
Use synonyms
 is collected in a reservoir, after which the
rain
Correct your spelling
rainwater
water
Use synonyms
 is passed through a pump to the turbine. In the following stage, the elecricity are genrated from the turbine.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the
electricity
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 transmitted through high voltage cables to the transformer station.
Finally
Linking Words
,the
electricity
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 transmitted from the transformer station to the underground cables, so that the facilities can get
electricity
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
 completing the
process
Use synonyms
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, water, electricity with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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