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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some employers assess performance mainly through team results, while others believe every employee should be measured against individual targets.

7.0 / 9
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Introduction
People hold different opinions regarding whether the performance of
employees
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 should be assessed on the basis of individual
targets
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 or
team
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 results.
While
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 supporters of the former
emphasize
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emphasise
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 the importance of determination and motivation among workers, others believe that the latter would encourage teamwork and problem-solving skills. In my opinion, assessing
employees
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 on the basis of individual
targets
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 is more beneficial because it can increase motivation and help them remain focused on their responsibilities.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, those who advocate the setting of individual
targets
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 argue that
this
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 approach would lead to greater competitiveness and commitment among workers. Their reasoning stems from the belief that companies can benefit from these
targets
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 without having to constantly monitor
employees
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, which may lead to a friendly and calm
work
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 environment.
For example
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, by working on individual tasks,
employees
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 would become more focused on their responsibilities and committed to achieving their
targets
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.
This
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 approach is more beneficial in the long run because
employees
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 would be self-motivated in their
work
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, as they cannot make excuses for not completing their assignments on time.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, supporters of
team
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targets
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 believe that
this
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 approach would encourage
team
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 spirit and problem-solving skills. One of the primary reasons is that when individuals
work
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 in a
team
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 towards a common target, they can communicate more effectively with one another.
This
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 is particularly important because they can discuss ideas to overcome obstacles and achieve their common target.
Furthermore
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, working towards a common target can
also
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 play a crucial role in fostering good relationships among
team
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 members. From
this
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 perspective, it is understandable why some individuals favour
team
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targets
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 assessing
employees
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 on the basis of
team
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 results can encourage cooperation and improve communication, I believe that individual
targets
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 are more beneficial because they promote personal responsibility, increase motivation and help
employees
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 remain focused on their
work
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.

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task response
You answer both sides and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why team work is less useful in some jobs. You can also say that the best way may depend on the type of work.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: individual goals can make people work hard, and team goals can help people work well together. Add one real work example, such as a sales worker with a personal goal or a design team making one new product.
task response
Some points need more detail. For example, explain why a worker cannot make excuses when they have a personal goal, and how this helps the company.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: an opening, one part for each view, and an ending. Keep this good plan.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are easy to follow. However, you use “target” many times. Use simple other words such as “goal”, “aim”, or “work plan” to make the writing less repeated.
coherence and cohesion
In the first main part, the idea about companies not watching workers all the time does not fully link to competition and hard work. Add a short link to show how personal goals let workers manage their own work.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same view until the end.
task response
You discuss both personal goals and team results, so the full question is covered.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one clear main idea, and the ending brings your key points together well.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “Furthermore” help the reader follow your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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