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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some businesses now say that no-one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree with this?

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Introduction
More and more
people
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 think that smoking cigarettes should be banned in offices and public areas. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
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 statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I believe that preventing
people
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 from smoking in shared spaces is important for two reasons.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, I believe that banning smoking in public
places
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 can protect
people
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's
health
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. In fact,
cigarette
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smoke
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 can cause serious
health
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 problems not only for smokers but
also
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 for those around them.
Although
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 some
people
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 do not
smoke
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, they may still breathe in harmful
cigarette
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smoke
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 when they are close to smokers.
This
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 can be particularly dangerous for children and elderly
people
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 because they may be more vulnerable to
health
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 problems.
For example
Linking Words
, children who regularly breathe in
cigarette
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smoke
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 may experience breathing difficulties and other
health
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 issues.
Therefore
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, preventing smoking in shared areas can reduce
people
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's exposure to harmful
smoke
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 and create a healthier
environment
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 for everyone.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
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, I believe that banning smoking can make public
places
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 cleaner and more comfortable. What I mean is that
cigarette
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smoke
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 often creates an unpleasant
environment
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 for
people
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 who do not
smoke
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.
Furthermore
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,
cigarette
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 waste,
such
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 as
cigarette
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 butts and empty packets, can make streets, parks, and other public areas dirty.
For example
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,
people
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 may feel uncomfortable when they sit in a coffee shop next to a group of smokers because of the smell and
smoke
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 around them. Families with young children may
also
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 avoid
such
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places
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for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason.
As a result
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, restricting smoking can provide a cleaner and more pleasant
environment
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 for all members of society.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that smoking should be banned in offices and public
places
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 because
this
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 policy can protect
people
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's
health
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 and provide a cleaner and more comfortable
environment
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.

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Task response
Your view is very clear from the start, and you stay with it all through the essay. To make your ideas even stronger, add one short point about why a ban is fair to both smokers and people who do not smoke, such as having places outside for smokers.
Task response
Your two main ideas are good: health and a clean, nice place. The health point is well explained. The second point could be made more full by saying how a ban may also cut cleaning work and help people enjoy public places.
Task response
Your examples fit your main ideas. Try to make one example more real and clear, for example by naming a school, bus stop, or work place and showing what may happen there.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two body parts, and an ending. Each body part has one main point, so it is easy to read.
Coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “First of all”, “In addition”, “For example”, and “Therefore”. Use a few different links too, such as “Also”, “Because of this”, or “For this reason”, so the writing does not sound the same.
Coherence and cohesion
Some lines repeat the same idea, mainly “cleaner”, “more comfortable”, and “pleasant”. Join or cut a few of these lines, then use the space to add one more clear detail.
Task response
You answer the question fully and give a clear yes view. Your reasons stay close to the topic of offices and public places.
Task response
The point about smoke harming people near smokers is clear and important. The example about children helps explain this well.
Coherence and cohesion
Your opening tells the reader what your two main points will be, and your ending brings them together clearly.
Coherence and cohesion
The order of your ideas is easy to follow. Each paragraph starts with a clear main point and then gives an explanation and an example.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • second-hand smoke
  • respiratory diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • productivity
  • fire hazards
  • environmental advantages
  • aesthetics
  • non-smokers
  • personal freedom
  • well-being
  • smoking bans
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