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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
In the modern world, it is undeniable that
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
 has become a substantial part of our society. It is often argued that
Use synonyms
business
Check wording
businesses
show examples
 nowadays advertise
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the latest features of their
products
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because they want to attract coustomers attention. I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that it is a positive development as it
benefits
Use synonyms
 both consumers and
manufactures
Replace the word
manufacturers
.
Body paragraph 1
In
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 present era, companies focus on
advertise
Wrong verb form
advertising
show examples
 their
products
Use synonyms
 to attract
viewers
Check wording
viewers'
show examples
 attention.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because
advertisement
Check wording
advertisements
show examples
 play a significant role in public awareness, as it tells them about new
products
Use synonyms
 and their features. People came to know about innovation and
then
Linking Words
 compare it with
pervious
Use the right word
previous
show examples
 design and quality. So it becomes very easy for them to decide which things to buy.
In addition
Linking Words
, companies
also
Linking Words
 hire
celebarities
Correct your spelling
celebrities
 in their ads, to promote their
products
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because these
actros
Correct your spelling
actors
 are famous and have huge fan following
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 the audience
trust
Correct subject-verb agreement
trusts
show examples
 them and
buy
Correct subject-verb agreement
buys
show examples
 the
products
Use synonyms
 which their
favortie
Correct your spelling
favourite
 personalities recommend
them
Change preposition
to them
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
I believe that advertising about the latest designs and qualities of
products
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive development, as it
benefits
Use synonyms
 both
coustomers
Correct your spelling
customers
 and
Use synonyms
business
Check wording
businesses
show examples
. A good illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is that when new small
Use synonyms
business
Check wording
businesses
show examples
 promote
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their brand
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 online or offline
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
. It
paly
Correct your spelling
plays
 a beneficial role to increase their sales as a proportion of individuals become curious about
latest
Add an article
the latest
show examples
 design and features and they want to try them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, customers
also
Linking Words
benefits
Use synonyms
 by latest qualities as they know about them by adevettisements and
Use synonyms
business
Check wording
businesses
show examples
also
Linking Words
 get
benefits
Use synonyms
 as their sales increase and of
course
Punctuation problem
course,
show examples
 ultimately
their
Punctuation problem
, their
show examples
 production
also
Linking Words
incearse
Correct your spelling
increases
 and their
business
Use synonyms
grew
Wrong verb form
grows
show examples
.
Conclusion
To encapsulate,
advertisining
Correct your spelling
advertising
 about the new
products
Use synonyms
 is essential for awareness of society and it
also
Linking Words
benefits
Use synonyms
 the
coustomers
Correct your spelling
customers
 and companies.
This
Linking Words
 is because consumers use the latest innovation and
business
Use synonyms
sale
Check wording
sales
show examples
 and profit alos rise.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain not only that firms want more buyers, but also why “new” works: people may want better use, a new look, or a way to keep up with others.
task response
Your view is clear: you see this as a good change. However, also deal with a possible bad side, such as ads that make small changes look very important or push people to buy things they do not need. Then explain why the good side is still stronger.
task response
Make each main idea more exact. For example, say how a new phone feature saves time, or how a small shop can reach people through online ads. This will make your points more real and well shown.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the first body part focus only on why firms stress new products. The part about famous people in ads is not closely linked to this question.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. For example: “First, companies stress new features to get attention. Second, this helps buyers compare products.” Avoid repeating “This is because” many times.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same key words throughout: use “companies”, “customers”, “new features”, and “advertising”. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because several ideas are joined together. Use shorter sentences, and give one main point in each sentence.
task response
You give a clear opinion and keep it from the start to the end: this is a good change because it can help both customers and companies.
task response
You include reasons for your view, such as helping people learn about new products and helping small firms increase sales.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a clear overall order: an opening, body parts, and a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “In addition”, “Therefore”, and “To encapsulate”, to show how ideas are linked.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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