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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days, more people are going to university than in the past. They start work later in life and with higher qualifications. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
the trent of Getting the higher education nowadays has
been
Wrong verb form
apply
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increased
as campared
Correct your spelling
compared
 to previous years. Because they want to get higher
postion
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position
 jobs with
they
Correct determiner usage
their
show examples
 qualifications.
According to
Linking Words
 me,
parcerly
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a
show examples
 positive impact on the growth of
nation
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the nation
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, there are
multipul
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multiple
 positive impacts
are
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 but primilary one is
, in
Correct word choice
that, in
show examples
past
Add an article
the past
show examples
individuals
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, individuals
show examples
start
Wrong verb form
started
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 working after
compeletion
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completion
 of basic studies
by
Change preposition
,
show examples
 which they were not able to provide the
survice
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service
 they should
be
Verb problem
have,
show examples
along with
Linking Words
 developing
artifical
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artificial
 intelligence . So, to stay advanced and
co-orperating
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cooperating
 with AI technology
higher
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in higher
show examples
educations
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education
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 is really important .
In a
Change preposition
A
show examples
 survey conducted in
dubai
Capitalize the proper name
Dubai
show examples
 showed that
,
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apply
show examples
employes
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employees
 with higher
qulifications
Correct your spelling
qualifications
 have more unique and creative ideas
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 development than workers with basic degrees. Second is personal growth, whenever a
high end
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high-end
 company hire
someone
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someone,
show examples
 they
prepar
Verb problem
are prepared
show examples
 to
asign
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assign
 the
partisepents
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participants
according to
Linking Words
 their CV and degrees
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with deserving payroll with can be helpful to live
wealthy
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a wealthy
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life style
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lifestyle
 in
this
Linking Words
 era of inflation.
Last
Linking Words
 but not the leaset, after having the required post
graducation
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graduation
 diploma
fron
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from
 the universities , where they can
also
Linking Words
 attend the practical lectures which can assist them to get
prehand suition expresion
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practical experience
 as
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they might
be experince
Verb problem
experience
show examples
 with future
client
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clients
show examples
 and in
meeting
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meetings
show examples
. Because of that, they will never face the feeling of nervousness.
AT the end
Linking Words
 of
courses
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the courses
show examples
 , some of them may have the ability
of
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to
show examples
 become
entrepreneur
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entrepreneurs
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , the point of view entirely changed.
the
Capitalize the word
The
show examples
 annual
feesof univerties
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fees of universities
 are more than a middle class parants which they can
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
afford without getting a study loan. which can become the reason of stressful hosehold to slove
this
Linking Words
students
Punctuation problem
, students
show examples
 can get part time job so that they can
get
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apply
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study
they
Correct pronoun usage
what they
show examples
diserve
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deserve
 without any conflict
Conclusion
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
 conclusion, getting higher
quilificant
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qualifications
 is
most
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the most
show examples
 important path to achieve the goals in life and improve the
suition
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situation
 of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 without having the stress of working as part time with can help them to
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 proper
focuss
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focus
 on study . So that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they can get better
out come
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outcomes
 from that

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task response
Give one clear answer in the first part: say if this change is good or bad, or good in some ways but bad in others. Your main view is not clear enough now because you say it is partly good, but most of the essay only gives good points.
task response
Make each main idea clear and fully explain it. For example, say how more study helps people get better jobs, then show how this can help the country. Do the same for the cost of study and loans.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to believe. The Dubai survey is too general because there is no clear detail about who took part or what it found. A simple real-life example would work better.
task response
Give more space to the other side. Explain how high fees, loans, and late work can hurt some people, then say why you still think the good points are stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: first part with your view, one part for good points, one part for bad points, and a last part that repeats your view.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main sentence. Then add two or three sentences that explain that one idea. Do not put many different ideas in one long part.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Try: 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For this reason', and 'In the end'. Avoid using 'Because of that' when the link is not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make your last part match your view at the start. It should clearly say whether this is mainly a good or bad change and why.
task response
You give useful ideas about better jobs, new skills, AI, personal growth, and the cost of university.
task response
You try to look at both good and bad sides, which is important for this question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear first part, body parts, and a last part.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as 'First and foremost', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion', to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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