IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people fail to maintain balance with work and other aspects of life. What are the reasons for failure? Explain how can it be solved?

2.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
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Introduction
It is
notably
Replace the word
notable
 that
people
Use synonyms
 spend nine
hours
Use synonyms
 a day at
work
Use synonyms
 and they
got
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 two days as a weekend.
However
Linking Words
, they find that they can not balance their working
hours
Use synonyms
 with their life.
This
Linking Words
 essay will address the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue and the possible solutions.
Body paragraph 1
To start with, some
people
Use synonyms
 have
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 period at
work
Use synonyms
. They
work
Use synonyms
 more than nine
hours
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as oil and gas
companies
Check wording
companies'
show examples
 operation technicians. who
work
Use synonyms
 twelve
hours
Use synonyms
 a
aday
Correct your spelling
day
 for a week.
Therefore
Linking Words
, when they have free
Use synonyms
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
 they will use it to rest and spend it with their families.
Body paragraph 2
Another
reasons
Check wording
reason
show examples
 is the
procastination
Correct your spelling
procrastination
.
People
Use synonyms
 tend to delay
thier
Correct your spelling
their
Use synonyms
work
Punctuation problem
work,
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 they
work
Use synonyms
 more
hours
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 3
Solving
this
Linking Words
 issue comes from the person
him self
Correct your spelling
himself
. Workers should make schdule of their duties. They have to reject any
work
Use synonyms
 during their vacations and holidays to spend
thier
Correct your spelling
their
time
Use synonyms
in socializing
Change the spelling
socialising
show examples
 or
hobbies
Verb problem
doing hobbies
show examples
. They should join clubs and gatherings to meet
people
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
All in all,
Work
Use synonyms
 is very important for anyone
though
Punctuation problem
, though
show examples
 it should not dominate the
workers
Check wording
worker's
show examples
 free
time
Use synonyms
. Workers should
maintin
Correct your spelling
maintain
 their free
time
Use synonyms
 and working
time
Use synonyms
 very well to have a balanced life.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You give two reasons and some ways to help, but each point needs more detail. Explain why long hours harm home life and why putting work off makes people stay late.
task response
Make the link between each reason and each answer clear. For example, long shifts can be helped by set rest time, while putting work off can be helped by a daily plan and small work goals.
task response
Use one clear real-life example and explain it. The example of oil and gas workers is useful, but say how a twelve-hour shift leaves little time for sleep, family, or hobbies.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Make the body easier to follow by giving one full paragraph to each reason and its answer.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words to show the order of your ideas, such as “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “To solve this problem”. Do not use “Therefore” when the next idea does not directly follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each sentence complete and clear. For example, change “Another reasons is the procastination” to “Another reason is that people put off their work.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “work” and “time” too often. You can sometimes use “job”, “tasks”, “free time”, or “home life” instead.
task response
You answer both the reasons and the ways to solve the problem.
task response
The long-shift example is relevant and helps show why some people have little free time.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are in a logical order: reasons first, then ways to solve the problem.
coherence and cohesion
You include an introduction and a final paragraph, which gives the essay a clear shape.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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