IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

An overseas friend wants to visit your country on holiday. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter Recommend the best time of year to visit and why Describe the types of accommodation your friend could choose Say what you would like to show your friend in your country

5.5 / 9
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Dear Allison I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to you because I just found out that you are planning
trip
Add an article
a trip
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 to Perth, so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 I would like to tell you a little bit more about the best time of the year to come. In
this
Linking Words
 sense, I highly recommend
to visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
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this
Linking Words
beatiful
Correct your spelling
beautiful
 city between
september
Capitalize the proper name
September
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 and
november
Capitalize the proper name
November
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, since it is a very well-balanced season with mild-to-high temperatures, perfect for going out and
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
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 the outstanding beaches that WA has to offer. In terms of
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
, there are two main types, ranging from Airbnb in shared houses, which typically have high-quality
ammenities
Correct your spelling
amenities
 and local hosts tend to be kind, to hostels, which are much more affordable options, yet are particularly restricted to the Central Business District.
In addition
Linking Words
 to visiting amazing beaches here, I would like us to attend multiple cultural events that take place in
october
Capitalize the proper name
October
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, including the world-famous Oktoberfest festival, and multicultural and heritage parades of communities from around the globe. I hope you are as enthusiastic as I am, and I look forward to hearing from you and booking your flights as soon as possible. Best wishes, Lorenzo

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task response
Give a little more detail about each place or event you want to show Allison. For example, say why the beaches or parades are special.
task response
Use more natural verb forms: write “I recommend visiting” and “perfect for going out and enjoying the beaches.”
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear order: best time, place to stay, and things to do. Keep this good order.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long. Split them into two shorter sentences so the ideas are easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words such as “Also”, “For example”, and “Finally” to join your ideas more smoothly.
task response
You answer all the main parts of the letter: when to visit, where to stay, and what you want to show your friend.
coherence and cohesion
Each main point has its own paragraph, and the greeting and ending are friendly and suitable for a friend.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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