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Band 5

In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of ths outweigh the disadvantages ?

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Introduction
A common belief is that the
use
Use synonyms
 of vegetarian meals is becoming more common in many countries. The merits of
plant
Add an article
a plant
show examples
 diet outweigh the demerits because it provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
health
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 and is
also
Linking Words
 environmentally friendly.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
In
Change preposition
from
show examples
 my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
 the advantages of plant-based
food
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 are more than
disadvantages
Add an article
the disadvantages
show examples
. The most significant benefits to eat plants
food
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 is that it has a very positive impact on our
health
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.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the plants have essential
nutrients
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 which are helpful for good
health
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, green vegetables are rich
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 essential minerals which protect us from the risk of many diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as chronic heart conditions and obesity. Another benefit is that they are nature-friendly. They are easy to grow and have a positive impact both on human
health
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 and on the environment.
Hence
Linking Words
, by increasing the
use
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 of vegetables place less pressure on the demand for animal meat. So it helps the animals from extinction and protects the biodiversity .
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 some downsides to eating plant
food
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. The primary disadvantage is that it lacks some basic
nutrients
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,
such
Linking Words
 as B12 and proteins
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 are present in animal meat more. These
nutrients
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 are
also
Linking Words
 essential for a balanced diet and good
health
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.
This
Linking Words
 is
Linking Words
due to
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 they are helpful for muscle development and bone strength.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the excessive
use
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 of some vegetables
also
Linking Words
 leads to
health
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 issues.
For example
Linking Words
, tomatos
use
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 in large quantities result
an
Change preposition
in an
show examples
 increase in blood pressure.
However
Linking Words
, these drawbacks can be prevented by eating vegetarian meals in balanced quantities, and
also
Linking Words
 eating other
food
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 resources like beans, cereals and other
dietry
Correct your spelling
dietary
 products which are a good source of many important
nutrients
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.
Conclusion
To encapsulate,
although
Linking Words
 there are some drawbacks of eating vegetarian
food
Use synonyms
,
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 my perspective
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 upsides of it outperform the downsides because it provides a healthy lifestyle and is
also
Linking Words
environment
Replace the word
environmentally
 friendly.

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Task response
Give a clearer answer in the first paragraph. Say that the good points are stronger overall, then show why health and the environment are more important than the problems.
Task response
Develop the ideas with more care. Explain how a plant diet may lower the chance of heart disease, and explain how less meat can lower harm to land, water, and air.
Task response
Be careful with facts. The point about tomatoes causing high blood pressure is not clear and may be wrong. Use safer examples, such as the need to plan meals well to get B12, iron, protein, and calcium.
Task response
Your answer says that a vegetarian diet can lack protein, but beans, nuts, milk, eggs, and soy can give protein. Focus on nutrients that are harder to get, such as vitamin B12.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. To make the flow better, make each body paragraph focus on one main point only.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more naturally. Do not begin too many sentences with "This is because" or "For example". Try links such as "As a result", "In addition", and "However" only when they fit.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word order and grammar. For example, write "Eating more vegetables puts less pressure on the demand for meat" instead of "by increasing the use of vegetables place less pressure".
Coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. Choose either "vegetarian diet" or "plant-based diet" and use it through the essay, rather than changing between "plant food", "plants food", and "vegetarian meals".
Task response
You answer both sides of the question and clearly state that the good points are stronger than the bad points.
Task response
You give useful main ideas about health, the environment, and the need for a balanced diet.
Coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph plan is easy to see: an introduction, points for the good side, points for the bad side, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph repeats your main view clearly and gives the essay a clear ending.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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