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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think developing countries should invite large foreign companies to open offices and factories to grow their economies. Others think developing countries should keep the large companies out and develop local companies instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that some people believe that in order to grow their economies government should invite foreign
companies
Use synonyms
.
What it
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
 is commonly held
belief
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apply
show examples
that
devlopping
Correct your spelling
developing
 local
companies
Use synonyms
 and keeping the multinational
companies
Use synonyms
 out may be more beneficial,
there
Correct word choice
but there
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that developing countries should invite large foreign
companies
Use synonyms
 to open offices and factories and stengthening locals censorship in order to help their economies.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
companies
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obliged
Verb problem
are obliged
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 to provide taxes authority
valuable
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with valuable
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 liquidity
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can help them with social problems.
In other words
Linking Words
, multinational establishments help new graduates and
high skilled
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high-skilled
 workers by presenting real-life work
opportunity
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opportunities
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
industry
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the industry
show examples
 sector
going
Verb problem
is going
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 to
know a
Verb problem
experience
show examples
 massive growth and ideal management provided by strange foundations, which rebuilt local ones using lateset technology and strict managers.
For example
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,
UAE
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the UAE
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 stengthening oil and gas production
local
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, with a local
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 and poor foundation
by
Punctuation problem
, by
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 known large foreign
companies
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as
Change preposition
such as
show examples
Haliberton
Correct your spelling
Haliburton
 and
Slomberguern
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Schlumberger
, today
UAE
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the UAE
show examples
reinvesting
Verb problem
is reinvesting
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 oil funds in new sectors
due to
Linking Words
 multinational authorities.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some countries have a bad memory with those
autorities
Correct your spelling
authorities
 because of overexploitation and
corrupted
Replace the word
corrupt
 locals. It is possible to say that focusing on local
companies
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 and working
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 graduates to get international experience will develop old
companies
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 and turn it to profitable
, allowing
Correct pronoun usage
ones, allowing
show examples
 young
manager
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managers
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 to explore and drive bankrupt
company
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companies
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 through online
dealing
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dealings
 with ex-workers and retired
professional people
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professionals
show examples
 in
high-developed
Replace the word
highly developed
companies
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the more you keep
theif
Correct your spelling
the
 individual far away from leading, the
more solving problems get easier
Correct word order
easier it gets to solve problems
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite people having different views. I believe that helping
economy
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the economy
show examples
 has many faces
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 just servicing
authorites
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authorities'
show examples
 reliance
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it must
be started
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 from the more
known
Correct word choice
well-known
show examples
 leaders
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 international
companies
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view, which is good. However, your main view is not fully clear. Say clearly that foreign firms should be allowed, but the government must make strong rules to protect local firms and workers.
task response
Give fuller reasons for each side. For foreign firms, explain jobs, tax money, new skills, and better tools. For local firms, explain that they keep more money in the country and can grow over time.
task response
Your UAE example has a useful idea, but it is hard to follow and has many unclear facts. Use a simple example: foreign oil firms can train local staff, pay tax, and help local firms work in new fields.
task response
The last example does not fit the point well. The line about keeping a thief away from leading is not about foreign or local companies. Replace it with an example about local firms being unable to compete with very large foreign firms.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, reasons for foreign firms, reasons for local firms, and conclusion. Your essay has this shape, but some ideas inside each part move too quickly.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with a direct main idea. For example: “Foreign companies can help poor countries by creating jobs and paying tax.” Then explain this idea before moving to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between sentences clearer. Use simple link words such as “First,” “Also,” “However,” “As a result,” and “For this reason.” Do not join too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some words make your meaning unclear, such as “locals censorship,” “strange foundations,” and “theif individual.” Choose simple, exact words: “government rules,” “foreign companies,” and “local business owners.”
task response
You answer both parts of the question and state your own view in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You include relevant ideas about tax, jobs, skills, and the risk of foreign firms taking too much power.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay uses paragraphs for the two different views, so the reader can see the main plan.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposts, such as “To begin with,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion.”
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Foreign direct investment (FDI)
  • Job creation
  • Advanced technologies
  • Skill development
  • Economic dependency
  • Infrastructure improvement
  • Homegrown industries
  • Equitable economic development
  • Cultural identity
  • Sustainable practices
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